Esther's Inferno..

2010-05-25T13:10:00.000+08:00

so many things happen recently.
Does this term still applies?

2010-05-10T22:14:00.000+08:00

cut the crap.
im hearing it no more.

2010-05-04T17:23:00.000+08:00

2010-05-03T14:16:00.000+08:00

One big family~
finally almost everyone is in. :D

2010-05-01T14:05:00.000+08:00

these are called TRUE FRIENDS.

2010-05-01T13:51:00.000+08:00

突然好想你 - 五月天

最怕空气突然安静
最怕朋友突然的关心
最怕回忆突然翻滚
绞痛着不平息
最怕突然听到你的消息

想念如果会有声音
不愿那是悲伤的哭泣
事到如今
终於让自已属於我自已
只剩眼泪还骗不过自己

突然好想你
你会在哪里
过的快乐或委屈
突然好想你
突然锋利的回忆
突然模糊的眼睛

我们像一首最美丽的歌曲
变成两部悲伤的电影
为什麽你
带我走过最难忘的旅行
然后留下最痛的纪念品

我们那麽甜那麽美
那麽相信
那麽疯那麽热烈的曾经
为何我们
还是要奔向各自的幸福
和遗憾中老去

突然好想你
你会在哪里
过的快乐或委屈
突然好想你
突然锋利的回忆
突然模糊的眼睛

最怕空气突然安静
最怕朋友突然的关心
最怕回忆突然翻滚
绞痛着不平息
最怕突然听到你的消息
最怕此生已经决定自己过
没有你却又突然
听到你的消息

2010-04-29T16:32:00.001+08:00

Missing you - 范逸臣
以后都不要再联络听你说的很简单
黑暗中静静搂紧自己孤单有谁明白
难过懒的再去管泪要不要流下来
我也只好默默啃蚀寂寞留着痛灌溉

Missing You 抛去爱渐渐模糊的期待
难道我就这样痛撤心扉是自己活该
Missing You 我无奈难道是为了彼此伤害
好成为扮演愉快的天才

看照片散落在一床我在回忆中哭喊
若是自导自演的闹剧为何美好曾拥怀
就当作分手是因为我们在爱中看开
如果留不住我就只有孤独来陪伴

Missing You 我坦白突然背叛的未来
那个时间转角你就不再留意我存在
Missing You Every Night 连星海也嘲笑我活该
我还有什么资格放不开

陌生的人海去哪里找爱
只有看不清等待
谁愿收留我的期待快来

2010-04-27T17:02:00.001+08:00

'SERIOUSLY, JUST MOVE ON WITH YOUR LIFE.
EVERYONE IS DOING THAT NOW,
SO WEAR YOUR NEWLY BOUGHT SHOES, PLUG IN YOUR NEWLY BOUGHT EARPIECE, SPRAYED ON YOUR NEWLY BOUGHT PERFUME AND CARRY YOUR NEWLY BOUGHT BAG AND MOVE ON WITH YOUR FUCKING LIFE.
WHATS THE FUCKING POINT OF YOU HOLDING ON WHEN THAT PERSON WILL NEVER COME BACK TO YOU. AND ALSO, BE GOOD TO THE ONE WHO IS THERE FOR YOU ALL ALONG.'

hey auntie, are you my mother to TEACH me what to do?
LOL.
some people are just so low quality.
i simply don understand why. :)

2010-04-26T21:35:00.000+08:00

That's how Ronald got his clique of friends. LOL

2010-04-26T21:20:00.001+08:00

This Edward is damn cute la!
the hairstyle is soooooo funny,
just the same as shown in movie!

2010-04-26T21:19:00.000+08:00

Stupid bumble bee.

2010-04-26T13:17:00.001+08:00

these are so WTF la!
LOL~
Poor God.
tsk tsk..

2010-04-26T12:54:00.000+08:00

you make no difference from this parrot here.
It's time to shut up. :D

2010-04-23T16:47:00.001+08:00

i simply love them to the max.
PLAYer rocks!

and last but not least,
happy birthday cherilyn! :D

2010-04-22T15:56:00.002+08:00

tonight is finally the night.
cool down esther.
chill.
take it easy.

i really have no idea how am i going to face it,
all i know is that i got to face it.

God,
help me.

2010-04-22T15:30:00.000+08:00

if real love could be this crystal clear..

2010-04-22T15:25:00.000+08:00

my favourite cover!
just simply love this big mouth monkey~

2010-04-15T13:29:00.001+08:00

This is damn cool la.
Olympic condoms.

2010-04-15T13:00:00.000+08:00

2010-04-12T13:47:00.003+08:00

LOL. WTF.

sian diao..

still no answer..

stop drinking dudes..

2010-04-12T00:16:00.000+08:00

is that how you handle my heart.. ..?

2010-04-11T18:52:00.001+08:00

when you feel hurt,
you never know that actually the other party is more hurtful than you do.

2010-04-11T15:08:00.001+08:00

不能握的手..

2010-04-11T14:58:00.000+08:00

God says He could grant me wealth, i said 'No, that's not what i want.'
Then God says he could grant me health, i said 'No, that's not what i want.'
And God says He could give me love, i said 'No, thats not what i want.'
God got annoyed, saying 'What do you want actually?'
I replied 'I only want her to be wealthy, healthy and be loved.. ..'

2010-04-11T12:49:00.002+08:00

如果时间来到 - 林峰

作曲:邓智伟作词:张美贤
编曲:Johnny Yim 监制:邓智伟

就让剧情来预告地设与天造
他配合你谁亦看好
就像突然明白到就算倾慕
退出了沉默更好

太想走近竟使我放慢脚步
人越近伤心更早

准我用情歌如泣如诉
未说的话留在万尺天牢
我太骄傲情愿用笑声代愁云密布
不讲一声的爱是最好
请记住时间如果来到
就要止步求别做笑话失足跌倒
踏上出路来让暂借的还回谁共抱
转身必须比眼泪更早可惜你未知道
没幸运同偕共老没有虚度
爱不疚难度更高
最伤的夜星光会继续引路
沉默亦可感觉到

准我用情歌如泣如诉
未说的话留在万尺天牢
我太骄傲情愿用笑声代愁云密布
不讲一声的爱是最好
请记住时间如果来到
就要止步求别做笑话失足跌倒
踏上出路来让暂借的还回谁共抱
转身必须比眼泪更早彷佛你亦知道

This is your favourite song.
it's a canto song,
i've learnt it and is already on my finger tip.
but you just didnt have me the chance to sing it for you..

2010-04-10T23:20:00.001+08:00

time flies..
2 years passed just like that.

2010-04-10T22:43:00.005+08:00

my new skull candy ear piece.

my new puma shoes.

my new crumpler bag. (mine is red & grey)

indeed a WOW shopping experience.
everything i bought is super worthwhile.
satisfied with my shopping spree~

2010-04-10T01:53:00.000+08:00

i snapped yours open,
and i put the other one on my hand.
it's stil on..

2010-04-10T01:27:00.004+08:00

after smelling one bottle after another,
i finally found the perfume you had been using.
CK in2u her.
i got it,
am i right?
the smell..
it still stays vividly on my mind.
i've bought a bottle too.
i just want your smell to remain with me..

2010-04-07T10:43:00.001+08:00

do you even know that..

2010-04-06T01:39:00.003+08:00

awesome show.
please do not miss it.
aww.
that cute black thingy,
how i wish he's mine..

2010-04-06T01:26:00.000+08:00

follow your heart,
though it's on the left,
but it's always right..

2010-03-20T01:53:00.002+08:00

from now on,
no one help me ma ma,
no one help me change change,
no one iron my clothes for me,
no one wash and hang my clothes,
no one pat pat me to sleep,
no one cover blanket for me,
no one massage for me after a long and tired day,
no one hug me to sleep,
no one..
just no one..
im all alone from now on,
in a lonely little room of mine.
so quiet that i can even hear myself breathe.
i hate the quietness,
but am learning to adapt it..

i wanted you back,
but you choose to let go.
im tired,
so tired..
tell me that you want me back,
before i could no longer remember who you are..

life is in a mess now,
but day still goes on..

2010-03-17T01:17:00.000+08:00

just when i was about to accept you again,
you screw things up big time.
those trust that i had for you all these years,
it diminished within that split seconds.

for that moment,
i hated you.
i really do.

lyin accompanied me through the night knowing that i wasnt feeling quite well.
infact she doesnt feel too well either.
both emo kid hanging out late,
emo + emo = very emo

sandy came over today to look for me.
she brought along a roll of tolberone with her.
awww..
she still remember that i used to love tolberone.
her act just made my day. :)

things had been so bad so bad.
life is in a mess.
i totally have no idea how to place things back in order again.
i cant seems to walk any further..
im tired.. ..

will there be bright sun tomorrow..?

2010-03-12T23:52:00.011+08:00

met sandy up yesterday.
we went roaming around again.
had dinner and took some photos,
pictures speak a thousand words.
not here thou,
please proceed to my facebook for viewing.

caught up with my 不良少年 for kbox session.
it just feels so nice hanging out with them.

fell sick.
mucus kept flowing while i was at work.
i got to pull through to sunday,
my off day..

i wanted itouch so much,
cake almost got it for me when kor kor said that i can have his.
woohooo!
he's giving it to me as my birthday gift!
though it's second hand,
i didnt mind at all.
moreover,
it's already jailbreak!
damn cool lar!

i so love this photo..

oh ya.
almost slipped my mind that i had my first macaroon yesterday!
sandy bought 2 boxes for me!
aww.
so sweet of her.

the place we had our sweet little dessert.

aww.
nice day out isnt it?
i love sandy!
lolx.
if she sees this,
she'll emphasize 'you're my part time ok~'
wahahaha!

im getting tired.
over many things.
am going into my hibernating mood.. ..

2010-03-10T14:51:00.000+08:00

i look super gay in this picture.
lolx.
took in red velvet.
that's what people do when they're bored.
camhoring!

birthday is drawing nearer and nearer.
i really have no idea how to cfelebrate it.
swan took 3 days off just to spend it with me,
if we do nothing special or nothing thrilling,
that 3 days will be totally wasted.
how how how..
any idea anyone?

met pris up that day.
she didnt change a single bit.
but she was shock that i changed so much.
doesnt matter thou,
she claimed that im better looking now. =D

this staircase contain so much of memories.
it has got so much stories to tell.
im now looking at it alone.
all alone.

this is from shiyun.
she's so right.
you couldnt follow me to the future because you simply dont deserve it.
ive moved on.
hear me and hear me well,
ive MOVED on.

am going to do some shopping in JB this coming sunday.
things are much cheaper there.
i need new clothes badly,
this job is like modelling to me.
haha.
flaunting my clothes everyday.

and for that someone that is waiting.
again i emphasize,
wait no more.
i love the way we are now,
nothing more.
i dont wish to hurt you again,
once is more than enough.
forget not that im carrying a player heart now,
i play around anytime,
people like me dont worth you waiting for.

days seems pretty good to me now.
getting better each day.
didnt expect that i would heal this fast,
it all falls on individual mentality and perspective.
you are what you are in accomodating with the way you think.
you had made me suffer enough,
i want no more of those days.

i once love you.
so much so much.
nothing matters now.
you knew better than any others how i feel for you,
and i know clearly myself that you once place in effort in this relation too.
let memories fade slowly by itself then..

it's my off day today.
meeting sandy up for dinner
and catching up with my 不良少年 for kbox later.
i miss all of them~

aww..

2010-03-05T00:42:00.002+08:00

Saw her yesterday coincidentally.
Both sandy and bei were asking if i feel something within,
my answer was a firm NO.

Im recuperating already,
almost gotten over.
nothing waviers me,
not at this moment.

I did not even give a glance,
she dont deserve it.

------------------------------------------------------------

Sandy was feeling low hence asked me out at night.
We ton over,
walk from places to places as we took photos here and there.
photos were being posted on my facebook,
please head over to my profile and view it.

fruitful night i can say. =)

------------------------------------------------------------

came back from vivo watching Alice in Wonderland with sharon and bei.
not really as nice as we expected.
BORING~

accompanied sharon to cut hair and to do some shopping,
feels great to be someone's image consultant~

------------------------------------------------------------

working again tomorrow.
aww.
each time after my off day,
i feel so reluctant in going back to work the next day.
adulthood sucks to the max..

2010-03-01T15:12:00.004+08:00

Gambling session over at Lyin's place.
lost around 5 bucks.
Damn it..

Family photo.
aww..

working the next day.
and im left with 2 hours plus to sleep.
wow..
SHAG~

2010-03-01T15:11:00.000+08:00

Left PLC,
am currently working in 77th street.

Many things happened.
It all happens too fast for me to even react on it.

She left.
Yes, again.
Is mc that she returned to.
Im fine with it,
so much so i didnt want to tell myself this,
but mc does treats her way better than i do.

When i used to look at their photos,
i aint feeling a single thing at all.
But why does it hurt so much this time round?

Im moving on, slowly but surely..
All i need is time.

you bought me love scheduler.
each time walking pass Artbox,
i stood there stiffly,
totally focus on that notebook.
All the shows that we've watched together,
the topman shirt you bought for me (receipt),
everithing was kept inside that love scheduler.
it's stil with me..

my berms pocket is torn.
you used to remind me
'baby, remember not to put your wallet on the right side.'
im stil wearing that same old berms always,
and i remembered that i got to put my wallet on the left.
i do..

Singapore is small.
too small.
everywhere i go,
it reminds me of you.
places we've been to,
places we had fun at,
places that i kissed you,
places that we..
just so much memories..

My birthday is drawing near,
i want nothing but just a greeting sms from you.
but guess you don't even bother.
i know you too well..

i thought that i was doing pretty well,
which i really did.
people around me tend to ask about her.
friends,
help me out,
mention her no more please.

im still struggling in pain,
how long more must i go through all this..
i cant hold any longer.. ..

2009-12-21T01:10:00.000+08:00

im still waiting for that one person.

i know i stand no chance,
but just like another others,
we sacrifice for who we really like.

till the day you're single,
i'll continue waiting.. ..

2009-12-13T04:17:00.000+08:00

i fell hard.
for all the pain that i endured,
you'll be with me always.

the last night we had,
you said i'll be the first and the last,
and of course the one and only that piggy back you at esplanade,
i buy that,
i really do.

for you,
i gave up almost everything,
i lost everything,
never did i expect,
you're in the list too.

you said that i'm charming,
i'm cool,
but i stil lose terribly to someone that is hundred times uglier.

you used to like holding my hands,
you used to like hugging me,
you used to love me more and more as day goes by,
but what now..
u're gone just like that.

i never once grumble at those tough situations that we encounter,
when i say that i love you,
i mean it,
more then you can ever imagine.

didnt expect feelings can come and go like the speed of lightning,
it disappear right before my eyes even before i realise its existence.

i know you're not going to return,
but i hope someday it reminds you of me when you pop by this certain area..
amk hub,
chinatown,
cineleisure,
orchard central,
313,
plaza sing atrium,
suntec,
flyer,
and lastly,
esplanade.

and again it reminds you of me when you..
sell fishes,
enjoying christmas lighting,
sees lizard,
eat pasta,
drink pokari sweat,
keep long nails,
sees bling bling watch,
smokes,
sit at the usual stairs,
sees pink stuffs,
and..
stoning.

i pierced my tongue for you,
you and you alone.
for the rest of my life it slaps me awake,
that i once love this person so much.

i hope to see you,
but when will it be the next?
some day,
some how,
some where..

i bruised so badly this time round.
i need a long time to recuperate i guess.

you changed me so much,
you taught me so much.

i sank dead in the realm of love..

2009-04-26T13:06:00.006+08:00

bei finally went into training school.
used to think that days without bei,
i will gain more freedom.
but now..
i want nothing, not even freedom.
i just wan bei to be by my side.

so lonely for the one whole entire week.
things that bei used to do,
now i have to do it all by myself.
my room is so quiet,
so empty..
i have no one to talk to at all..

friday is the day.
after all the waitings,
bei is back.
spent my night over at bei's place this two days,
but two days seems to pass within blinking moment.
all i'm left with,
is just a few more precious hours with bei.

had been sending out resume after resume,
hope for some responds soon.

watched 'Taken'.
pretty nice show.
good story line.
but..
kinda exaggerating.
not practical at all.

chatting with nazz now.
dhayna wanted to meet up for sheesha session.
but.
both my pockets are so light,
so empty,
dont mention sheesha,
let alone settling meals.
but i really wish to meet up with them.
aww.

this picture is rather funny.
simply loves it.

this is even cuter!
i miss bei bei too much that i did this.

sigh.
i hate the end of weekends,
i hate the start of weekdays.

bei,
i will never leave you nor forsake you.
will be waiting for you to book out every weekend.

when time seems to pass so slowly..

2009-04-19T01:34:00.000+08:00

camper super star just ended last week.
Jarod won 1st in the competition.
he has alot of supporters,
indeed..
but yet i dont think he deserves the championship.
i'm sorry.
but since the 1st camper super star,
teresa tseng sang so well that no one else touches my heart.
no one is able to hold a candle to her.
listening to her singing is like lightening my weight,
raising and flying high up into the sky.
keep it up teresa!
she rocks~

watched 'ai jiu zai yi qi' just now.
love is such a complication.
will momo choose jia sen?
or will she choose mars?
both are equally nice to her.

what will you do if you came across the same kind of scenerio?
ya.
pretty tough question isnt it?

love can be so sweet,
yet it can be so pain.
love can be so near,
yet can be so far at the very same time.
love can be here at this moment,
yet disappear at the next one.
love can be spicy hot,
yet it can be icy cold.

when sophistications arrive,
who else will help you with the solution?
no one but yourself.

'x-men origins wolverine' wasnt really nice.
no content.
that wasnt the lousiest,
the worse part is that it has outrageous ending.
waste of time watching.

bei started working as prison officer.
tomorrow will be the last day that i spend time with bei,
monday bei need to report to training school already.
after which we can only meet up once a week.
dono how life gona be without bei,
but i will start learning how to adapt now.
*miss miss*~

been finding job after job,
but till now,
to no avail.
is educational level everything?
why is no one hiring me then.

i hate growing up.
life is so much different after 21.
used to get allowance in the past,
yet now parents are pushing me to give allowance.
i just hate it.

when you are penniless,
10 cents alone means so much to you.

no more restaurants,
no more movies,
no more luxurious products,
no more shopping..

trust me,
i'm thrifty enough that i can spend only $50 buck for around 2 weeks.
amazing isnt it?
when circumstances push you to the edge,
everything is possible.

after this entry,
i wouldnt know when will be the next.
stay patient guys,
look forward for my next entry.

*cheers*

when darkness fall, you are the light.

2009-04-13T13:14:00.000+08:00

wow.
the past few weeks had been rather packed.

night cycling photos will be up first.
we proceed from station to station,
one photo each at different places.
her it goes.

next.
out steamboat session over at shiqi's place!
the least amount with the best food!
wohooo!!

next up..
*drum row please*
our bintan trip!

one year anni had just past,
and this is my gift to bei.

need to find a job soon.
bei is leaving for new job tomorrow morning.
prison officer.
cool.

ahh.
life is getting so routine and bored nw a days.

i wonder how, i wonder why.

2009-03-31T22:01:00.002+08:00

JJ's concert was awesome!
thumps up for him!
my oh my~
he was jus 100m away frm me!
so near yet so far..
but nevertheless,
he stays in my heart oways.
haha!
=x
couldnt stop crazy about him after the concert.
wakaka!

suppose to go for night cycling yesterday night.
sigh.
all the shops are closed when we reached,
no choice but to proceed back home.
night cycling again tomorrow,
i'm sure we'll be able to make it on time for the rental!

took this when we're rotting in east coast mac,
we've nothing better to do than to compare our tongue's length.

kinda blur,
but i think it looks great! =D

Bei had became so ang gong freak!
picture speaks a thousand words,
here it goes!

tsk tsk~
huai xiao hai.
erm..
actually..
i do have one too!

kees.

bintan trip is drawing nearer and nearer.
but.
we're all so broke.
swan was absolutely right.
even if we were to eat wind,
eat grass,
eat paper,
we've come this far,
we got to make this trip enjoyable!
we must pull through this tough period!

oh ya!
something that i must really blog about it.
i almost forgotten!
Camelot appeared on newspaper!
nothing good,
but is regarding a boy who nearly drown.
this time round i think Camelot gona close down soon.
which school will still book when such thing happen?

see what i mean?
haix.

this is random,
but i find it funny.
i seems forceful isnt it?
lolx~

1year anni is coming soon!
i've got the present ready.
bei cant seems to keep the cool,
kept on guessing what exactly it is.
haas.
still,
i kept mum.
shhh~
>.<

you occupied my heart

2009-03-26T18:30:00.007+08:00

birthday celebration was indeed not as exciting as i predicted.
people werent spontanious.
great furious and anger in me,
but what more to expect..
sigh.

one of my best gift for this birthday,
Ralphe Laurance shirt.
Both bei and i got one each.
by who?
my crazy honey and beloved sunshine.
sweet thing~

it doesnt seems expensive isnt it?
haha.
it actually cost a bomb!
$185 each!

here are some pictures taken during bei and my birthday.

we visited sentosa butterfly park,
sky ride,
beach volley,
captain's ball,
science centre (omni theater),
ktv,
steamboat,
last but not least,
prawning.

next, are some photos taken when swan, shiqi, bei and i
headed to marina barrage.

nice pictures~

woo!
jus met mr zacsel chua to collect lappy.
he lent me his lappy for 2 days,
and thats the reason why i'm able to blog.

sat is the day.
JJ lin jun jie concert!
hmm.
cant help,
but i'm jus far too excited!

will blog again soon.
burr~
mac is so cold..

2009-03-16T01:11:00.007+08:00

left my job finally after months and months of complain.
though i didnt left with pride,
it's kinda irresponsible actually,
but no regrets to it definitely.

had been busy looking for jobs.
CHECK hired me as a full timer,
supposed to report for work last friday,
when last minute i made up my mind by giving it a miss.
i just wanna spend more time with bei,
as well as swan and shi qi.
don wish to succumb in losin my freedom that fast.

will be celebrating bei's and my birthday in no time,
friday is the day.
matrix was well planned,
even more exciting compared to last year.
though that's the case,
nonetheless,
i miss last year's clique.

Bei bought me Sony Ericsson G705 as birthday gift.
Nike bag was mine to Bei.
Bei got me Samsung P2 touch screen mp3 for 1yr anniversary,
guess i still owe bei one gift.
what up next..
*headache*

21 birthday doesnt seem significant to me at all.
i hope i was wrong.
prove me wrong please.
at least that's what i feel at this very moment.

bintan trip is around the corner too.
wasn't feel as excited as i suppose to be.
don't get me wrong,
i'm still looking forward to it.
*smile*

Thailand (bangkok, puket), Malaysia (KL, Pahang, Genting),
Indonesia (Bintan), Taiwan (Tai bei),
once again,
what's up next..

Interviewed at western union,
will be working with swan and shi qi.
job after job,
wonder how will this coming one be like.

as march 28 is drawing near,
my heart is pounding faster and faster.
JJ lin jun jie's concert!!!
i wasn't just a looker, a hearer nor a talker,
i really am going!
if you're thinking 'she probably getting the balcony seat',
let me tell you,
u're absolutely WRONG.
$148, the most expensive ticket,
yes, that's my ticket pricing.
thanks to yanglin,
she sponsored 100 bucks to it to fulfill my dream of having JJ right before my eyes.
once again,
thanks pal~

she dropped me a testi again.
something i should really comment about,
'please start off with facebook as no one is using friendster anymore.'

didn't wish to be mean,
but you just remind me of those freako player that toys with others.
you don't want any status,
but just letting the other party falling deeper and deeper into the pit.
when the pathetic fellow finally got over you,
u started off with all your testimonials, msn, smses.
it irks me you know that?
if you still think highly of yourselves
with the wishful thinking that you weigh a thousand tonns in my heart,
then i can say,
feather weighs more than you do.

well,
set history aside.
tomorrow is always a better day.

it's photo time!

swan and i playing with almonds in shi qi's ice cream shop~

if you think this is a perfect picture, look closely.. swan's almonds are dropping!!

modern an neh~

everyone looks good! except for.. *cough cough* you guys know who i'm refering to huh.. lolx!~

our fav past time! PRAWNING~

ahh~ the two stupid thieves.

the first day of freedom. (taka fountain)

time for bed soon.
its really late.

will blog as and when i'm able to,
as you guys know i've left my job,
means what?
no more computer to use.
haas.
hence,
please do appreciate every single entry from me.

when life is with no lack, nothing that i need or even short of, i ponder.. what still means to me..

2009-02-18T17:55:00.000+08:00

didnt really have the time to blog as i was indeed truely busy with work.

valentine's day was a fruitful one.
went to bird park with bei,
didnt knnow that it was free of charge.
haas.
i gotten the free passes for spore flyer.
spore cruise bumboat. spore musume.
sentosa etc too.
wonderful.

the swans

trying to do stund.

Me with that styrofoam peakcock!

so sweet~

met up wif ting, cheryl, samantha, myra, cecilia
for ice cream session over at sin min rd.
weird ice cream flavours.
snickers, holick, banana green tea..
=S

went prawnin ard mid nite.
i actuli caught more den wat i expected.
but still,
all that we caught wasnt reali enuf to fill our stomach.
lolx~

prawn all the way till 5am.
ting sent us our to tk cab,
n dis is the first time that i'm hitchin a ride frm ting.
cool~
she drives steadily,
but her turn was sharp,
all of us r fallin on one another.

Yanglin is sponsorin mi for JJ concert.
erm.
she got mi the most expensive tix yet i'm oni 50 bucks for it.
wanted to pay her the full amt,
but she didnt want to accept it.
er..
thx you den.
=)

swan wans to celebrate cake n my bdae for 1 full wk!
cheers to honey!
but..
jus 4 of us..
sound sad.
but.. i'm more den contented with dis few ppl ard.
luv u guys~

bei is gg away for 3mths for trainin in police sch
to prepare for bein a prison officer.

i miss bei~
=(

2009-02-11T00:32:00.002+08:00

Happy 10th month bei.
i love you more tomorrow than today.
though we actually spent our anniversary in camp,
but each anni just seems so significant to me.

valentine's day is around the corner.
bought bei puzzle,
bei just love it.

Chao tar girl with the loving bear.

The 3 significant roses.

Bei and i going 1 year real soon.
Birthday and anniversary came crashing together.
i'm leaving my job by this month end,
really have no idea how to pull through all this period of time,
but i guess with bei around,
nothing seems a major problem to me.

i'm getting tired,
haven really been sleeping this few days.
off to zZz soon,
still got lots of stuff to finish tomorrow.

you are the air that i breathe

2009-02-09T18:28:00.000+08:00

Finally made my decision by leaving.
Everybody is good,
just that i'm not up to this job.
too tough,
too stress.

Decided to go on doing retailing.
Adidas boutique is what i'm aiming for.

Dono what's wrong with me recently,
had been making mistakes after mistakes,
people,
please understand that i didnt want it to happen too.

21st Birthday is coming.
Here is my wishlist:
-Adidas gears
-New handphone (with WIFI)
-Lappy
-Nike sneakers
-MP3
-New Urban Male new design sandals (white & pink)
-Punk Cap
-Okley/Rudy project shades
-Card and Coins pouch/holder.
-Psp Slim
-Top shop jersey (2 for $29) (L size)

Had been squeezing dry my brain juice to think of what i want
when i don really need anything.
lolx.

Hope to spend my birthday just like last year,
but i know it's impossible.
Think this year's birthday going to be rather quiet.

Looking back at all my emails,
it reminds me of you again.
'Remember me this way',
one of your favourite song,
it'll always be on my mind.
Memories we used to have is something that can never be wipe off.

You're part of my life

2009-02-05T14:53:00.002+08:00

Friends come and go,
everibody noes that.
if u realised it too late,
that doesnt concern others.

don insult my job,
n for ur info,
i hv no prob findin ppl,
so no woris for my side n u nid not wori as well.

i'm kipin cool attitude,
that of cuz.
i'm chill or everi single tins tt hpned,
beta den others that flare at ppl for no sensible reason.

orite,
i shall stop all these.
waste my effort on agitation wif misc ppl.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Went for joanne weddin cum bdae.
cool.
she's so slim nw.
aww.
n sux!
one crazi idiotic gal asked mi in a beri seductive manner
'r u andro..?'
n while askin so,
she kept on smilin at mi.
freazky sia!
haas.
she's not pretty,
but she's hot.
too bad,
'hot stuffs can oni last for 3 mins,
aft which the temperature goes dwn.'
haha!
swan taught mi that!!!

MC for 3 days,
goto tite up n touch up all my wrk.
so mani tins to do.
so bz.

i luv dhayna n nazz!
we are the commoners that were isolated frm the rest,
livin in our own world.
lolx~
wldnt hv pull thru my days without dem.
*luv luv!*

Life's bad,
ppl ard r sux,
n still,
i'm movin on.

Bei,
each time i fear darkness,
u're the light tt shines across.
i'll b so lost without u.
i luv u bei.
hapi 10th anni to kam.

the world doesnt evolve ard u,
but u hu evolve ard the world.

2009-01-31T00:37:00.004+08:00

Hi people!
Didnt really have the time to blog about my Genting trip
and as well as my New year.

I always believe that pictures speak a thousand words,
so without further ado,
i shall proceed on showin my photos to u guys! =)

Our steamboat session.

Fish spa~

On the Skyway Cable Car!

Big car, small us.

Telephone booth.

Theme park rides.

4D motions.

Haas.
The trip was fruitful except that i feel really sick on the first night.
nevertheless,
my sickness didnt hinder the fun at all.

A little formula to share..
Swan + Sunshine = 24/1/09
*cough cough*

New year was ultra boring.
Din manage to go any relative place,
but swan n bei's house are more than enough to me.
Went to Bruce and Alicia's house for steamboat too,
and with the additional ang bao given by company tdy,
it mks my new yr a little better.

The Cheenas.

The Westerners.

Happy 4 friends~

Went back to work tdy.
Things didnt went well.
I've tried my best,
but guess others jus cldnt see it.

my fault,
all my fault.
missin quote out is my fault,
over manpower is my fault,
insufficent manpower is my fault,
usin freelancer instead of full timer is my fault,
asking is my fault,
not askin is my fault,
didnt reply email is my fault,
reply wrongly is my fault,
not readin email is my fault,
didnt update board is my fault,
didnt write coordination list is my fault,
EVERYTHING seems to be my fault.
what a job..

I jus wan to spend sum time wif frenz,
but i cldnt seems to hv ani personal time.
that stupid fone is still ringin none stop..

i cld stand no more..

gg nuts soon.

2009-01-18T17:22:00.000+08:00

darn!
swan earned it,
sunshine is jus so pretty,
i simply cant tk my eyes off her.
haas.
but i'm hapi for her,
sunshine is jus so swt n nice.
*smile*

had tendered resination to bruce,
he actuli asked mi to tink it thru again.
well,
no regrets,
i reli wanted to leave..

i dono wat job m i lookin into,
salary doesnt matter to mi,
i jus wan to wrk hapily.
basic enjoyment goto b der.

side trackin alittle..?
no..
i cant..
but the fact is.. ..
i m..
i'm lost too.
so lost..

falling deeper each day

2009-01-14T16:05:00.000+08:00

You are being missed by me at times,
to be exact,
i hate you more den i miss you.

i used to love you so deeply,
yet in return,
you hurt me more than anyone else.

By buying christmas present to me in compensation,
it doesnt help at all.
Don't assume that simple things like that will simmer my anger.
i'm sorry,
but i really hated you.

My love for you no longer exist,
so stop pestering me and pop out every now and then,
doing little things expecting my attention.

looking back at my previous entries,
i just ponder hard,
thinking to myself why do i love you so much in the past..
but thank goodness,
no longer now..

sparing some time for myself,
i came to a conclusion that i shall not accept your gift.
we aint related at all.
no longer lover,
no longer colleagues,
no longer friends.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

man..
so much wrk to do.
manpower coordination kills.
i need trainers,
i need people who can commit to camp.
anyone?

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

9mth had passed.
it jus passed like that within blinking moments.
i love bei more and more each day.
you spartic nerd!
but i just love you so much.

you are the potion in me.

2009-01-07T00:37:00.000+08:00

spent my christmas in bangkok alone,
and spent my new year with my fellow trainers and ex cell grp mems.
chole suggested MIND cafe,
a board game cafe,
which i tink it was a pretty gd suggestion made.
we went ahead wif her decision.
as my both grps of frenz do not noe one another,
the board game cafe was surely a gd place for ice breakin to tk place.
it was as expected,
despite not noein one another,
dey had fun playin tgr.
*smile*
(clappin for myself)

went ahead to cafe iguana for some drink.
order 2 jug of margrita.
n shots were given out FOC due to new year day.
we hesitated,
holdin the shot cup in our hand for quite sumtime
before it was in our stomach.
it was strong,
but thx God we pulled thru.
haas~

niwae,
tdy was such a lousy day for mi.
i was fine $200!
cant believe it.
jus for one cig butt,
der goes my $200..
nevertheless,
i wasnt the oni one.
i do hv kakis!
nazz n jay got fined too.
lolx~

wen u wrk longer in a particular job,
more ppl will start to tok abt to n do little actions behind u,
n tt person will oways tink highly of demself,
tinkin tt u wldnt noe wat he or she is doin.
too lazy to even bother abt these ppl.

9mths anni is kamin.
we're too broke to even spend it a proper one.
sigh..
bei's presence is the best healer for my lousy mood nw.
i miss bei bei n boy boy~

my eyes closin soon.
eye lid gettin heavier n heavier.
don noe wen will i blog again as it is peak season nw,
will update u guys soon!

2008-12-14T11:44:00.000+08:00

My camp jus finished.
i was the CC.
bein CC aint easy at all.
doin all the shit,
yet tts not all,
tokin to the organiser mks my blood boils.
niwae,
dey're so unhapi wif the bugs cases tt dey chose to check out a day eariler.
fine.
better off for mi oso.

met kee onn n chloe up tgr wif bei ytd.
jenna was bz, as usual,
jun qi was too tired aft his wrk,
hence didnt turn up.
bein a coordinator,
i tink i'm gettin used to all dis last min back out issues.
with or without doesnt mk a diff animore.

ate in V8 cafe.
the lamb chop was nice.
first time tryin it as my usual dish is sirlon steak.

caught a movie too.
'the day the earth stood still'.
chloe tinks the endin sucks,
so do i.
but kee onn claimed tt it was a pretty nice show.
wanted to watch 'twilight' instead,
hu noes dey disagree.
haas.

both alicia n peizhi aint in office.
tdy is mainly a no government day.
jus feel so weird.
nah.
wrk still goes on.

gettin ready all the manpower for jan to march.
anione wans to b camp instructor?
plz approach mi!

life seems more n more routine.
n i'm gettin more n more lifeless.
nth seems fruitful to mi.
i'm still askin myself,
tryin hard to find a purpose wrkin here.
no ans still..

all of a sudden i miss liang.
haas.
buddy for life.

gg for lunch nw.
will b bck for wrk ltr.
*chao*

2008-11-30T20:13:00.000+08:00

wasnt feelin beri well,
guess i'm gettin sick soon.

taiwan was fun.
besides the fruitful conference i've attended,
the shoppin n eatin trip mks mi feel lk gg bck der again.
suppose to post sum pictures,
but too lazi to load it up.

dono wat's wrong with both dadi n mumi lately.
givin the face n thrwin attitude.
i don even hv ani idea wat dey're angry with.

i'm tired.
came to office earli jus bcuz bei's programme is at 8am.
i shld tk a nap b4 my actual wrkin hr starts.

2008-11-17T11:10:00.000+08:00

tins had been gg on well.
i wrk xtremely hard to catch up wif the pace here.
tough job i can say.

finali peizhi is bck,
but she had gone for a course for the entire wk,
still,
i'm all by myself.

i'm leavin for taiwan dis fri.
gg over for an asia conference wif jacky,
jay n alan.
alicia says it's a gd opportunity for mi,
i tink so too.
but y didnt i feel the xcitement?

jan is kamin,
lookin at the 2009 schedule,
camelot is all packed wif camps.
my manpower gona b one big n major issue again.
my resolution..
'eliminatin dos tt r lazin ard,
n makin the ratio rite..'
i've done the second but not the first,
der r times whereby i still nid to use sucky ppl to wrk for me.
do i left wif ani choice?
ani other alternative?
don tink so..
manpower is jus lk money,
it's NEVER enuf..

7mth anni had past,
it seems lk a casual day for us.
nth much in particular,
nth special,
jus nth.
nth significant hpned.
thou tt's the case,
everiday wif bei jus seems so fruitful.

met neh, jess n chloe up last sun.
it feels so gd to gather up wif cliques to spend time tgr.
even for jus while,
it means alot.

so many prog gg on for the nxt few days.
i cldnt even breathe.
i nv once blif in findin no manpower,
as long as i'm not willin to gif up in findin,
for sure i'm gona get ppl to fill up the slots.
slowly,
but surely.

i miss bei badly.
5days off to taiwan gona seems decades to mi
especially wen bei is not by my side.
*miss miss*

Life on earth is so plain.
i can tink of no more idea to spice my life up.
borin days i've past.
borin days to kam..

2008-11-05T07:52:00.000+08:00

feel so much lk screamin my lungs out wrkin wif sucky ppl.
wen ppl don realised tt dey're the ones mkin mistake,
in the end i got arrowed,
all blame goes to mi.
fuck man.

i hate the feelin of bein speechless wen i'm sure it's not my fault,
n i was reprimanded.
it's jus lousy.
LOUSY!

i'm a coordinator,
COORDINATING is my job.
n ppl r choosin their own trainers,
if tt's the case,
y needed mi here?

all of a sudden,
i missed peizhi.
she had oways been protectin mi,
coverin tins up for mi weneva i made mistakes,
standin up for mi wen i nided her,
but nw..
she aint ard.
so lost without her.
so lost.. ..

i missed bein GI.
as i was standin on the balcony watchin campfire ytd,
i den realised hw adorable students actuali are.
i luv seein dem wrkin tgr,
comin up wif cheers n performances.
tokin to dem is so much more relaxin compared to my wrk nw.

so mani events kamin up.
but surprisingly,
my pace had slowed dwn.
i don gif a damn animore.
ppl jus aint satisfied wif wateva i do.

my mind got blocked.
totali blocked.
i'm losin my tinkin ability..

2008-11-02T13:40:00.000+08:00

i was wrong to tink tt bein a coordinator is a simple task.
coordination alone wasnt jus my job,
i did more den wat i'm suppose to,
i did more den wat was bein told originally.
i was lectured for not askin wen i'm unsure of certain tin,
der again,
i got scolded for askin too.
der r jus too much tin tt i'm unaware of,
yet i was simply threw with all the load.
wed onwards i'm gona b all alone.
n i reli mean ALONE.
no one cld help mi wif wat i'm doin,
but tts not the worse issue,
the worse is..
i'm lost of wat to do even..
wen i cldnt even help myself,
hu will..

files after files of quotations r kamin in,
camps aft camps were run in the centre,
tins look so easy on the outside,
yet ppl whom r the bck stage support r the toughest.
the silence suffer.

no one tink tt i wld stay long i guess,
i hope to prove dem wrong,
but i cant pull myself to.
i'm gettin alittle weary.

everione here seems to bully mi.
everione here seems wantin to gobble mi up.
i'm the best arrowed person.
on the surface,
everione tryin to b so nice,
yet wen dey needless of ur help,
dey simply turn their bck at u.

oni 2weeks yet i cld stand it no more,
hw long more can i substain still..

bei,
ur expression tells everitin.
i don wish to brin wrk hm,
i don wish to msg n msg n msg wen i'm wif u,
i don wish to attend to calls everi min n sec,
yet plz understand tt its my job,
i hv no choice at all.
i hope u'll b more supportive n understandin den wat u r nw,
cuz i do nid compromisation frm u.

i find no motivation to move on at all in dis line..
y m i still here den..

why.. ..

2008-10-20T03:36:00.000+08:00

sumtimes i do tink bck..
for all dos moments tt we used to hv..
my heart still aches as much as it is wen u jus left.

thou i hv bei nw,
bei does understand u do stand a place in my heart.
i luv bei alot,
but i guess,
i luv u more in the past.

the past,
i repeat.
it's all the past.. ..

2008-10-19T15:37:00.000+08:00

in ops rm nw,
usin jay's lappy.
piang,
tink dis is the lousier lappy i've eva used,
most of the buttons on the rite hand side had disappeared.
lolx.
even the 'enter' button was gone.

met sharon n x.ting up ytd tgr wif bao bei.
ate in kfc,
we cldnt finish the hot devil drumlet,
hence sharon suggested tt we play 'zhong ji mi ma'
to indicate hu's gona b e one eatin it.
well,
as u guys predicted,
sharon got it!!!
muhahaha~
stupid suggestion of her.

had steamboat for dinner at hm jus nw.
wasnt as nice n as fillin as i tot it wld b.
i'm gettin hungry again.
bei is hvin briefin nw,
as usual,
wif the new method of conductin debrief,
it tks ard 3hrs for a briefin to kam to an end.
poor bei,
sittin inside hearin preaches.

will b hvin steamboat again nxt wk.
a gatherin for all the full timer i guess?
hvin the tot of eatin wif jacky oreli spoiled all my appetite,
hw on earth do i hv the mood to appear nxt wk still.

jay handed mi a 'fuck off' pill,
tt was reli the name stated on the bottle.
she said tt it was merely sweet n ask mi to eat it.
chee bye..
the fuck up taste made mi realised y isit named the 'fuck off' pills.
my tongue was kinda numb aft eatin it.
fuck man~!

goto wk up early tml for wrk again.
still goto look for instructors for all the up kamin events.
sigh..
no life..
even jay says i hv no life..
i hv to admit tt i guess..
lolx~

my eyes closin soon..
yet bei is not dwn.
argh..

shall blog again soon..

2008-10-17T00:43:00.000+08:00

started wrkn as full time in camelot oreli.
haas.
prayers do kam true!
i can use com as n wen i lk!
lolx~

first day here wasnt bz at all.
i basically learn everitin frm scratch,
but second day onwards was alittle hectic.
not to tt xtend mayb,
but jus..
erm..
BUSY~

bein coordinator reli aint tt simple.
findin ppl,
writin the coordination list,
readin quotes,
basic admin,
etc etc etc.
alot n alot more..

peizhi had been a gd teacher in guidin mi.
dhanya too.
teach mi here n der.
fun peeps i hv in the little office of mine.

alicia x ard for dis moment,
all of a sudden i realised tt the rm was in total silence.
lolx~
dis shows hw noisy she is.
muhahaha!~
>.<

bei had been kamin to fetch mi,
so much appreciated.
bei will b kamin ltr too!
wif a strudel i hope?
tts wat bei promised.
kees!
i'm waitin!

early in the mornin nw,
yet i'm gettin alittle hungry.
din reli hv a heavy breakfast tdy as mumi aint feelin well,
onli ate a slice of bread wif my fav Philadulphia.
aww~

will b stayin in camp for the whole of nxt wk,
jus to accompany bei as bei is doin bck to bck camp.
will slp wif u as i promised!!

k la..
gg bck to wrk le.
still short of instructors for teck whye n pierce sec,
n the scariest tin is.. ..
the camp is jus mon!
n ppl r kamin in on sun for briefin!
argh~
goto pull up my sock!

jia you esther!!!

2008-10-07T05:07:00.000+08:00

hey hey..
bck to bloggin.

oh ya!
neh's bdae had jus past!
her bdae damn grand la~
accompanied her shoppin,
den goto trick her
sayin tt the rest last min cannot mk it for her bdae.
man,
u cld feel her sadness metres away.
lolx~
but it meant to b a surprise thou,
we blind folded her,
made her carry a big card board written:
'Today is my bdae, don u wan to kiss my sexy lip?'
n wif her retard foto pasted on it,
pasted side burn n mustache on her
n walk frm plaza sing to glass hse fish n co.
which walkin, we let her listen to music,
n she goto sing as loud as possible for us to hear.
damn funi!
hahaha!
all the passerby lookin lar!!

thou der's alot of communication brk dwn,
n tins r nt planned ideally,
but ultimately,
the bdae celebration ended off wif a touchin n heart warmin endin.
neh teared alittle..

neh joined full time in seal sports.
as for mi,
full time in camelot.
will b hvin camp tml,
jap sch..
my first n last camp.
guess der'll b alot of memories for mi to brin along into full time.

i dono if i still hv time in the future to accompany bei or spend wif bei,
or even kam to certain xtend i m too bz to even b in a relationship,
wateva the case is,
i will try my best to maintain it,
cuz bei jus mean too much to mi..

6th mth anni withtin blinkin moments,
in jus a few days time,
we'll b spendin our half yr tgr.
everi moment nw till the day i go into full time,
seems so significant to mi.

even before start wrk,
i'm oreli bz.
bz findin n contactin ppl for camp.
will b mitin all the attachees tonite,
brin dem into campsite.

lolx.
bei start complainin tt i'm bz liao.

the feelin for bein coordinator is gd,
i dono abt the long run,
but at least i feel gd nw.

once i go into full time,
is either i can use com everiday,
or i don get to use at all.
i dono which is which,
but plz pray tt i can!!

totali hv no idea wen will i b bloggin again.
the usual sayin goes,
wen i hv the time,
n wen i can find a com to use..

2008-09-16T02:56:00.000+08:00

accompanied bao bei to x.ting place for mahjong.
woo~
their bets were HIGH.
but..
bao bei won!
haha~
didnt wasted spendin my HOURS sittin der waitin.
lolx!

bao bei's custom,
money frm gamblin shall nv b kept,
hence,
bao bei brought mi to bukit panjang plaza to eat.
ate MOs burger,
old chang kee,
sushi,
mr bean,
bla bla bla.

we went library too!
muhahaha!
it had been so long since i last step inside a library.
it wasnt jus it,
we borrowed 4 books in total!!
kees~

tdy is wed,
fri mitin camelot gang to celebrate sharon's bdae.
aww..
don even hv a single cent wif mi,
wonder hw m i suppose to pull thru durin the gatherin.
sigh~

man~
i hv quite alot of bites frm the mosqitoes.
damn.
bao bei oways ka po dos stuff tt students left over aft brk camp,
nth special dis time round,
bao bei ka po a whole new bottle of anti-mosqitoes shower gel.
i'm the 1st person to use it,
the smell sux~
*faint*
n worse tin is,
i got unsually lots of bites!!!
damn it!~

wat to do for 6th mth anni.. ..?
hmm..
spore flyer?
bao bei say doesnt worth it..
tot omni theatre carries movies,
but aft chkin,
dey don..
argh..
gold class?
i tink it doesnt worth it too.
bao bei says ubin.
my god.
did i hearin wrongly??
UBIN for anni??
thou i had been wantin to go,
but..
still i feel weird to spend anni over at ubin..
sumbody hlp..
gif sum ideas of whr i can spend my anni wif bao bei..

instead of gg ubin on anni,
i hv decided to go dis sun.
haha.
asked neh n swan along.
dono if cina n kat will turn up.
but hope it will b successful trip!
woo!~

tdy will b my last day over at bao bei's place le.
aww..
which oso means,
goto wait till the nxt visit to bao bei's place
before i can lay my hands on the computer's keyboard.

dis is wed,
will b seein bao bei on fri for sharon's bdae.
will b seein bao bei again on sun for ubin trip.
nt tt bad still.

all of a sudden,
i miss the camelot gang tt we used to hv.
but..
all gone..
neh,
swan,
bao bei n i r tt r left.
*sour*~.. ..

2008-09-14T13:15:00.000+08:00

was involved in a programme for ping yi sec,
yet i totali ruined it.
sigh..
shldnt touch on in detail abt the incident,
but was kinda upset wif myself.

finali met nigel up for the fone.
thou the fone was a little scratched here n der,
but over all,
it is still in usable condition.
downloaded songs,
games,
themes,
bla bla bla.
am mkin full use of the fone.

bao bei n i spent our 5th mth anni wif x.ting n xueli,
haas,
i din mind.
went out wif dem to hv sushi,
n bought bao bei n i a pair of cookie monster n elmo keychain.
damn cute lar!~

dono y,
yet der r so mani tins tt i'm unhapi wif bao bei.
doesnt mean tt bao bei goto compromise wif mi all the times,
but jus disagreement i guess.

bao bei,
i still luv u alot,
n i mean..
ALOT..
b sensitive abt little tins tt's gona kam out of ur mouth will u?
at least,
i'm a sensitive person.

tdy is zhong qiu jie,
no la zhu,
no deng long,
jus wen i tot der was no yue bing,
mumi went dwnstairs to buy.
haas..
swt swt mumi wif her swt swt yue bing knockin my rm door.
thx mumi!

nth much to say actuli..
tml mite to gg over to x.ting place for mahjong.
nt mi,
but bao bei does,
guess i shall go over to play my psp or surf net.
findin tins to kill time!!!

no camps.
borin days to kam~

2008-09-09T09:22:00.000+08:00

PLMGS was my last camp.
did both run.
took KINDENESS for the 1st run,
n CHARITY for the 2nd run.
preferred charity.

i'm fallin in deep deep luv wif charity's cheer.
'Give mi a C "C!"
Give mi a H "H!"
Give mi an A "A!"
Give mi a R "R!"
Give mi an I "I!"
Give mi a T "T!"
Give mi a Y "Y!"

Who r we
We r 5 charity
We goto cheer for our frenz
Rite to the end
Win or lose
We'll fight to the end

Pick up the phone n wat u hear
5 charity cheerin loud n clear
We goto F I G H T
We goto S C O R E
We goto fight score and yell for more
5 charity is the best in the place

Ohhhhhh~~ CHARITY!!!'

wif all the actions,
dey look damn cute lar!

but lookin at their cute faces,
heavy price to b paid off.
i fell so sick.
my fever went all the way up to 38.5'C.

trainer's money nv once easy to earn.
nw a days still nd to repair shoes,
baby sit,
maiden,
educator,
bla bla bla..
lolx..

aniwae,
mumi was sayin
'findin spouse,
his educational lvl mus b higher den u,
he mus b mature,
he mus b frenly,
he mus noe hw to save up..'
n so on,
n so forth.
aft tinkin..
bao bei fits all the criteria!!!
muhahaha~

will b hvin one xtra fone frm nigel.
haas.
tgr, we kop one fone frm one idiotic pig,
nigel nids a fone more,
hence he will b tkin the fone tt we kop,
n i'll b hvin his current fone.
gd deal.
to tt farkin idiot,
stop bein so irritatin,
or more of ur stuff will b missin!
hahahaha!!!

mite b gg into full time soon.
asst coordinator.
was kinda reluctant,
but i hv one tin to fulfill,
tt is to eliminate all the MALAYS in camelot.
x sayin tt i'm racist,
but dey reli sux to the core.

tdy is dadi n mumi's 24th anniversary.
yet dey aint tokin to each other still.
sigh.
so old oreli still majiam kids lk tt.

wheras for mi,
tml is bao bei n i 5th mth anniversary.
so fast.
time flies.
will b mitin x.ting n xueli dey all.
so weird..
*scratch head*
spendin anni wif the rest..
hoho~

bao bei's dadi is kamin bck soon!
i goto quickly chao n hide in the rm!!!

2008-08-29T15:05:00.000+08:00

frenz kam n go at all times.
der r ppl tt treats u lk an idiot,
yet she doesnt even noes.
or shld i say..
she does!
but she simple doesnt care.

i pop out occasionally?
haas..
well..
beta den u,
din even pop out at all.

i nv once feel or tink tt u sacrificed for mi as a frenz,
perhaps u tink the same way too.
if u tink so,
den gd!
end it off easier.

it aint abt the frenship animore.
its the misunderstandin n accusation tt pissed mi off.
'u're jus unhapi tt we're frenz again'..
wat the fark..
i'm der reconciliatin u guys,
yet dis is the remark u gave.
thx man..
it jus MEANS so much to mi..

tot tt i shld let i noe abt hu i'm wif,
cuz u r one of my closest pal.
yet u aint satisfied.
its the '2wks late' tt u matter.
i regretted so much tellin u.
u don accept mi,
its ok..
doesnt hv to shoot mi wif all the CAPS u type.
its my decision hu i wana b wif.
don reli nid u to interfere.

all n all.
dis frenship means nth to u.
cuz..
u meantion it..
'y cont'..
fine..
end it the way u wan..
u don wish to cont tokin rite?
tok no further frm nw on..

i din claim tt i'm rite..
but ask God if u r rite den..
u mite b amazed of wat He wld say to u.

3yrs bck i've told u,
n i had oways been repeatin the same tin to u.
'if one day we ended of frenship off',
i wldnt bother to tink bck hw close we used to b,
hw much u had done for mi,
i'm cold blooded as u once said.
yes i indeed m.

we no longer relates frm nw on.
NO LONGER.
u wun feel the kind of regret nw,
perhaps yrs dwn the road,
u den do.
same applies for mi.

we lead a diff lives.
ur HOLINESS n GODLINESS,
i don understand,
x my style either.

my punk n lousy life,
neither of ur understandin.

so b it den.

-----------------------------------------------------

life's still gd wif bao bei n liang ard.

liang,
as wat i've told u b4,
in my life nw,
i oni nid u n cake,
its oreli enuf..
more den enuf..

bud 4eva~
luv ya..

2008-08-29T08:20:00.000+08:00

Woo!
it had been days tt i'm bck frm Pahang trip.
the trip was..
borin~
aniway,
great discovery was made durin the trip.
n wat was it den?
tt is..
NEVER to go overseas durin hungry ghost festival.

it was nth major actuli.
jus tt km aft km,
rounds aft rounds,
we seems bck on the same old spot.
we set off at 4am,
yet we reached our chalet at 10pm at nite.

u mite tink its nth,
but the pitch dark location,
in additional wif all the sharp turns,
the fear arose.
tinkin wat if we cldnt get to the place in time,
tinkin wat if the petrol ran out,
tinkin wat if we mit an accident.
tots aft tots came in.
but all thx to cina,
the most calm,
the most steady one.
our diver,
our tourguide.

took some photos over der.
n here it goes.

haas..
limited fotos as we didnt proceed to ani other places
other den dis waterfall.

mumi n dadi were hapi to c mi bck i guess.
their smiles tell.
but..
wonder y do mumi tok so much nw a days.
she's jus actin lk a FM radio.
she doesnt nag,
jus merely tokin n sharin wif u can last for hrs.
oh man..
i nid ear plug!!

hvin camp again le.
haas.
had rested for so long,
jus wen i almost got rusty n moulded,
i was bein called bck for camp.
cool~

sigh..
sat natural climb was cancelled.
bao bei n i goto look for our own prog to kill time den.
ani idea on whr to go n wat to do?
we hv ran out of idea..

argh..
y is technology so advance in our era??
all i wan is to play simple games..
yet i spent so much time dl'in games for my psp,
i cldnt managed to dl ani!
qi si ren le!!

goto go soon le..
haha.
to avoid hvin dinner wif bao bei's dadi n mumi,
we goto chao first.
*ZOOOM!~*

2008-08-20T15:39:00.000+08:00

hvn been bloggin for ages.
didnt reli hv a chance to kam over bao bei's place for the com.
but nw i'm finali here!
haas~

had my hair cut recently!
sum says doesnt suit mi,
yet sum says it looks beta.
hu to blif?
haas.
wat do u tink den?

amazingly,
der's no camp at all dis mth.
we oni wrk as napfa tester n sum prog for LDC.
sad.

jus came bck frm cina bdae chalet.
the chalet was kind of bored?
perhaps cuz we're reli budget.
haas.
ran out of bbq food on the 2nd day,
goten jenna to buy it bck since she was sendin her hm sick dog hm.

hvin briefin tml.
hvin prog on both fri n sat.
mitin cina, kat, swan n bao bei on sun.
leavin earli in the morn on mon for pahang.
packed schedule.

love is so fragile.
jenna lose her lam,
swan lose her sharon.
both r devastated.
both r lost in luv.
hw can ppl tk relationship so lightly..
sigh..~

had a little tiff wif bao bei tt day.
argued over the chalet stuff.
didnt mean to raise my voice,
but yet i still did.
my initial purpose was to withdraw u frm e unhapiness,
didnt knew tt my words weight so heavy.
bao bei was upset certainly.
i'm sori..

i start to realise tt in my world nw,
der's oni bao bei ard.
whr had all my frenz gone to..?
was still tinkin,
if btwn bao bei n i,
our relationship surfaces sum probs,
hu can i confide in?
such a simple question,
yet hvin a tough ans..

guess bao bei is bz bein an all rounder.
as my frenz,
my colleague,
my playmate,
my listener..

bought dis for u on our 4th mth anni.
thou it aint cost much,
but the words on it counts.

life had been more lk a routine nw.
BORIN is the oni describtive word i can tink of.
gamin n gamin n gamin.
i nid more psp games!!!

time flies.
aft pahang,
it soon will b our 5th anni.
wow.
we've kam dis far.
lolx~

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
haha~
jus feel lk screamin aloud.

hope tt both bao bei n i will hv more vacancy in doin camps the kamin mth!

wana touch on my blogskin.
haas.
will stop here.
hmm.
dono wen will i blog again.
but gd tins worth waitin isnt it?
wait on ppl!
cheers!

2008-07-10T14:33:00.000+08:00

mummy was admitted to hospital last wk.
her condition was rather serious,
went thru operation n blood transfusion.
had been der almost everiday as long as i do not hv ani camps.
thx for all of ur concern,
she's bck hm,
gettin beta n beta nw.

done Qihua pri last wk.
woo.
the students were reli gd,
responsive n attentive.
had 2 old birds n 1 newbie in my major,
yet all of us wrk well tgr wif no hard feelins nor conflicts.
cool~
i enjoyed pretty much wrkin wif dem.

bcuz of mummy's condition,
i can oni mit bao bei awhile each day,
thou i was oni by the side,
i can sense n feel hw much misses bao bei had for mi.

tt day alone,
bao bei didnt wan to go hm.
huggin mi tite,
bao bei left reluctantly wif teary eyes.
i didnt reli noe wat hpn xactly,
yet i noe clearly,
my presence n absence affected bao bei tt much.

we had programme on for ytd n tdy,
stayed over at bao bei's place as the sch located in west.
finali bao bei was hyp-up alittle den.

tdy is our 3mths anni.
we spent our day at dunearn sec,
n den bck to hm wen the programme ends.
nth much actuli as we're gg to hold a belated celebration tml.

jus wen i tot tdy wasnt signifcant at all,
bao bei went in tears,
lookin in my eyes sayin
'i reli love u alot..'
tt moment seems freezin to mi.
it was jus so heart warmin.
i said nth in respond,
but wonder if bao bei does hear the sound projectin frm my heart,
it replied 'i luv u too..'

didnt noe tt bao bei will root so deeply in mi,
to such xtend tt mittin bao bei everiday had became a routine.
tot i was cool enuf to cuz ppl suffer in livin without mi,
but hu noes..
i felt uneasy without bao bei ard.
karma..
sigh~

i'm sori bao bei for all dos tins i've done wrong.
dos tins tt made u upset n unhapi abt,
tins tt caused agony,
i'm truely apologetic.
u noe hw sori i m
n i hope same mistakes will x b repeated.

wat we had been thru,
n wat we r nw aint all.
der'll b more to kam..
i oways blif in doublin tins up.
if we can pull thru 3 mths,
we can mk it to 6 mths,
12mths,
24mths..
n so on,
n so forth..
our journey is definately much longer den wat we tot it wld b..

bao bei,
don forget abt out 21st bdae celebration.
we promised to hold the celebration tgr n mk it a real grand one.
i'm waitin for tt day to kam.
our bdaes is the 1st check point tt we gona aim for.
lets wrk for it tgr.
we shall walk steadily in a peaceful momentum.
slowly,
but surely.

each time sayin 'i luv u',
u noe it flows frm the deepest point of my heart out enterin ur ears.
n the defination of sayin 'i luv u' is still..
'i luv u'..
so..
bao bei..
u noe i aint gona say tt rite into ur face,
but i yearn tt u do noe,
'i luv u'..
n i reli do.. ..

2008-06-28T03:12:00.000+08:00

had jus finished a camp for saints adventure.
4days 3 nites.
ngee ann pri.
conclusion is..
the students sux,
the company is unorganised too.

i've lost my voice.
totali.
credit goes to my grp.
amazingly,
my grp gotton the BEST GRP award.
my buddy n i,
the oni reaction was.. ..
*FAINT*

speakin of which,
jus wana touched on my buddy.
the best tin i can eva tot durin the camp was my buddy.
he's reli nice.
it jus hpn tt we can wrk tgr.
helped mi carry my bag,
my bottle,
wen the kids got mi alittle out of hand,
he came into rescue to tok to dem.
all in all,
he's nice la.
tts all i wana say.

will b mitin camelot gang ltr,
gg to dono hu's chalet.
but since my whole gang is der n i'm invited as well,
i'll jus go ahead..

jus dwnloaded countless songs in bao bei's fone.
reli ALOT.
bao bei's fone ting lai ting qu oways same few songs,
buay tar han.
hahaha..
but nw i guess we got ting bu wan de songs liao.

alittle slpy nw.
but gg out soon.
returnin hm to change,
den gg movie wif bao bei.

another bored wkend..
dono wat to do tml..
SIANZ~

2008-06-23T14:37:00.000+08:00

went for briefin ytd.
briefin held in cartel.
boss gave the treat.
cool~

met neh neh straight aft my briefin.
neh looks damn kiddy la!
super cute~
wif the pineapple hair style summore.

took a bus to netball centre,
loitered der to peep at dos matches,
aft which proceeded to kallang leisure park to gif kat a surprise.

we den 'parked' ourselves at the glass door,
she was tryin on her new skate,
didnt notice us.
haas.
but cina does.

waited for her to close the shop,
den altogether,
we headed to east coast park for the nite.

neh wanted to cycle,
hence we rented the bike overnite.
for cina n kat?
as usual..
their best hobby n past time,
fishin.

initially tot tt it was pretty well planned for the nite,
bicycle alone can kips us gg for the whole nite.
but..
NONE of us was actuli awake aft 2am.
muhahaha~

6am,
all of us woke up due to the lightnin n thunder.
our tent is lk shakin vigorously.
start packin up before the rain kams.
cina n kat got into the car,
n tts wen we actuli parted.
neh neh,
bao bei n i rode all the way as fast as our legs cld,
bck to marine cove mac.
phew~
managed to reach der in time.
aft we settled dwn,
heavy dwnpour began.

oni return bck hm ard 10 plus dis morn.
shagged.
almost missed the stop of jurong east station.
bao bei n i were reli sound aslp.

it's oways gd to b bck hm
we were freakin cold outside,
caught ourselves in the rain alittle,
n were reli tired.
ahh..
bed n blanket r my best frenz still.
jus so comfy.

wen bao bei n i woke up,
it's oreli time for dinner.
haas.
'mummy' shui bian cook as she didnt go to the market due to the rain.
she shui bian cook,
so we shui bian eat.
jia xiang cai is still much beta compared to da pao food.

saw bao bei's baby photo jus nw.
OMG~
i don tink it tallies.
the baby in the photo look so cute n chubby!
but lookin at the current product.. ..
erm..
hahaha!!

gg to return hm tml.
goto pack my stuff n prepare myself for camp.
mitin kennedy in the late afternoon,
he's nice enuf to gif bao bei n i a lift into camp.

tell u guys a secret..
*look left*
*look rite*
i hvn been bathin since ytd..
u guys mus b tinkin 'YEEEEW~'.
hehe~
same tinkin here.
but bo bian ma..
tonned the whole nite,
came bck,
slept,
ate dinner.
so..
kees,
din reli get to shower.
will b doin it ltr!!

bao bei used to b loaded.
aft we got tgr,
i can oni see the diminishin nums in bao bei's account.
i wonder if i'm the cause,
felt rather guilty thou,
yet jus nw bao bei said dis to mi..
'i can do without money,
but i cant without u..'
touched.
melted.
thx bao bei~

i wun b bloggin aft tml.
don reli hv a chance to use com as i hv camp to run.
will blog again each n everitime i hv a chance to.

tk care u ppl.
tag more often ya?
i'll still b able to read it.
cheers~!

2008-06-21T03:57:00.000+08:00

finali gotton my blog a brand new look.
dis skin aint tt perfect,
yet find it unique in some ways.

had been hm the whole day ytd.
haas.
bao bei cldnt stand the boredness i guess,
had been mkin noise sayin 'BORIN!'.
while for mi?
i got clinged to the com the entire day.

bao bei n i went out in the evenin to da bao KFC bck hm.
bought family feast,
free 4 jelly summore!
lolx~

bao bei's mummy cook bee hoon,
jus in case tt dos chickens aint enuf to fill out stomach.
dozed off aft eatin the chicken alone,
cldnt even finished the bee hoon.

went to rockwall gym tt day.
man~
reached at ard 12 noon,
n we ended at 8pm sharp.
8 hrs!
time flies thou while we're over der.
jus climb n climb n climb.
wore FBT for it,
hence..
haiz..
u noe..~
jus OUCH!!
yup..
pain is the word to use..

gg for briefin ltr on.
goto leave hse latest by 1.15pm,
n nw it's oreli 12.30.
i've yet to pack,
yet to change.
nth.
pro mi still sittin dwn rite before the com happily usin.

was hvin sum casual chat wif bao bei ytd,
totali hv no idea but we jus hpn to touched on SZ n Y.
i den realised tt sz actuli leaves mi wif more memories
den Y does.
but i guess,
bao bei will nw b the one leavin mi wif the most memories.

each time tinkin bck,
i wonder y but the sour feelins arose.
sz left mi wif great remorse.
aft so mani yrs,
i had oreli forgotten wat xactly hpned.
but i clearly rememed tt it was my wrong to let her dwn.
it wasnt mere disappointment frm her,
it more of a heart hardenin incident.

all in all,
i jus tell myself tt mistakes cannot b made again.
the nxt will oways b the beta.
thus,
i'm still learnin.

memories oways do a major hlp.
b it gd or bad,
it had been the motivation for mi to move forth.

goto leave for briefin le.
will blog again soon.
tk care peeps~

2008-06-18T16:07:00.000+08:00

woo..~
finali i'm able to use com!
haas.
yea~
u guys got it rite!
i'm over bao bei's hse again!
hahaha!

met liang up ytd for dinner in geylang at our usual supper place,
he gave the treat as he knew tt i wasnt left wif much.
went ahead to ecp for our tonnin nite.
liang had got 2 fones,
both WIFI able.
wif tt,
the both of us actuli surf the net the whole entire nite,
at the same time watchin euro cup wif the big crowd in mac!
haha~

liang actuli got kind of shag wen it reaches 5 in the morn,
no choice but to ask him to return hm.
as such,
i went bck hm too despite goto go bao bei's place earli in the morn.
haas.
as predicted,
i dozed off n cldnt wake up on time.
indeed..
i was late.

can sense alittle of bao bei's unhapiness
thou bao bei actuli claimed tt it was perfectly alrite.
sori bao bei..~

2nd mth anni wif bao bei seems dreadful.
i was lookin forward for it n wasnt reluctant at all,
yet i got pretty much annoyed for no reason sake on tt day itself.
sucky mi..
bao bei was patience enuf to coax mi till my mood turns kinda beta.

went for sports climbin lvl 1.
succeeded in completin the course n hence goten my cert.
man~
my both hands got damn cramp at the end of the course.
it was of much fun actuli.
din regret gg for it thou i was kind of bein force at the beri 1st place.
bleh~

each time wen i feel lk bloggin,
i din hv a com to use.
but wen i do,
the blogy feelin subsides.

der r jus far too much tins to tok abt each day.

bao bei had eventuali became part of my life.
is lk..
i feel weird x hvin bao bei by my side.
slpin alone made mi feel so uncomfortable.

bao bei,
u've done everitin for mi.
all tt u cld.
everitin tt i wan,
u gave it to mi.
everitin tt i nd,
u had mi all.
u r beri much bein appreciated.
i reli do mean it.

i noe n i noe tt u're afraid i will b leavin u sumday.
but i goto tell u,
tt my fear of u leavin mi aint of ani lower compared to urs.

i noe too tt u had been tryin ur best to mk mi forget her.
to mk mi feel beta off without her.
i dono if she had been a threat to u,
but i can tell u nw,
she's NOT.
n she will NEVER be.
i clearly understand tt the both of u r of diff kind,
i nv once did hold a candle btwn u two too..
cease the paranoid feelins will u b?
i'll b here to proof wat i promised..

u're all tt i own n nid nw.
nth else matters to mi.
u weight a thousand pounds in my heart,
without u,
i feel empty.
oways feel up tt emptiness in mi can u?
promise mi..

no more trust buildin,
as i oreli hv u mine.

i'm gg to warm the water for ur shower.
i'm gg to stay wif u wen u cox till u master it.
i'm gg to tk care of u each time wen u fall sick.
i'm gg to climb rockwall wif u often till u get hold of the tiles.
i'm gg to hug u to slp each nite.
i'm gg to hold u wen on blade.
i'm gg to catch more n countless movies to kam wif u.
i'm gg to b ard wen u r feelin low.
i'm gg to b der for u wen u quarrel wif ur parents.
i'm gg to stick wif u for the rest of my life.

i luv u bao bei..

2008-06-03T11:39:00.000+08:00

hvn been bloggin for long.
haas.
days spent wif bao bei had been fruitful,
everiday seems to b wif joy.

it'll b our 2nd mth anni in few days time to kam.
lookin forward for it,
but guess dis mth gona spend it penilessly.
sigh..
bao bei does hv money,
but..
i jus wana ensure tt we're gg on dutch but x relyin on one other financially.
bao bei,
i noe u don mind,
but i do.
luv u bao bei..~

hvin camp tml.
3days 2nites camp without stayin over.
amazin isnt it?
haas.
but tt was the fact.
properbly will b stayin over at bao bei's place,
if x i guess i will b hvin a hard time travellin here n der.
woodland u noe..
frm chai chee to woodland..
damn far can~

woo! i'm nw watchin 'the record challenge' on channel 8!
while the rest r actuli playin mahjong.
lolx~
currently over at xiang ting's place,
usin sharon's lappy.
i'm the oni one tt don noe hw to play mahjong!
sianz rite..
lolx~
bo bian but to use eye power nw.
muhahaha~

woo..
bao bei tt day sour sour wor.
woops~
didnt reli wan bao bei to feel tt way.
but..
haas.
i tink apple n chong chong too close le.
goto do sumtin abt it.
sori bao bei!

had been avoidin mummy for quite sum times le.
tink daddy got alittle angry wif mi.
he say he dislike my attitude towards it.
din reli feel lk avoidin,
but jus hate tokin to mummy.

bao bei bought mi a new fone.
tv fone.
haas.
finali can catch tv prog without steppin out of my rm.
thx bao bei!

tinkin of convertin into full time in camelot.
kinda reluctant thou,
but i tink by hvin regular income is the key.
its crucial to mi.
goto discuss wif neh,
if neh wans it too,
we shall go ahead wif it tgr.

hvn been feelin well dis few days.
hvin nose blk n sore throat.
haiz.
hope tt my sore throat will go off tml camp starts tml.

lappy low batt soon le.
will TRY to blog again.
haas.
tk care ppl.

2008-05-19T03:45:00.000+08:00

the mth of May suppose to b kind of free n available for mi,
but it doesnt seems so in the end.
haas.
had been bz wif camps,
wrkin bck to bck for both sentry n dragonboatin was enuf to mk mi shag to the max.
phew.
nxt mth will b worse i guess.
i'm fully n totali packed.
b prepared!

1 mth anni wasnt as grand as i tot it will b.
everitin went simple.
went to 2 diff resturants for lunch n dinner,
n caught a show den.
proceeded to esplanade roof top,
sigh..
super noisy.
ppl der spoiled our romantic nite.
hmm..
no one elses but jus the both of us for tt day..
bao bei's presence made the day.

sharon reminded mi
'learn to cherish before u lose wat u own..'
she's jus tryin to imply tins across usin the beatin ard the bush method.
yup.
i got it.

i dono hw far we can walk,
but i'm gg to cont dis walk still.

am over kat's place nw.
woo.
she prepared us dinner last nite,
n dis mornin wen we woke up,
breakfast was readi!
man..
she's reli the xtreme hsewife type!
fortunate cina~
lolx~

bao bei is slpin nw..
haas.
shh~
do nt disturb!
=x

bao bei,
mayb.. i nd a new coin pouch.
mayb.. i'm gg 2 remove the foto in my card holder.
mayb.. tt person will nt b in my mind animore.
mayb.. my hapiness lvl wif u will arose.
mayb.. i do luv u more.
mayb n mayb.. ..

m still tinkin n meditatin on wat sharon told mi.
wonder y but tt sentence of her's jus do hv a great impact.

i cant lose bao bei.
i cant.

bao bei,
i nd u bcuz i reli do luv u..

we still hv a long way to go.
hang on der..

2008-05-03T20:06:00.000+08:00

jus finished doin RI for kranji pri.
lolx~
rite choice made.
lookin at the GIs,
sum reli sux to the max n to the core.
wheras for water side,
we had been hvin fun thru out the 2 days.
thou pay aint alot,
yet i enjoyed it pretty much.

speakin of which abt the pay,
bao bei n i actuali earn nth.
sigh..
we got attacked by the bed bugs..
i was terribly bitten by dem.
quite a num of our stuffs r rated comdemned state.
no choice but to thrw away most of the items.
big loss..

tok to lin moments ago.
she sounded rather cold.
wonder if she still mind n matters abt the issue.
she claimed tt i was tinkin too much.
i hope i m.
perhaps i'm reli bein far too paranoid.
it doesnt bother mi quite a bit,
yet i noe,
ultimately i din made the wrong decision.
i don nid ur acceptance,
but plz don push ur objection to the far end of the max lvl.

bao bei.
u're all tt i hv.
u're everitin tt i owned.
u're my spouse,
my buddy,
my best frenz,
n most imptly,
my listener.
i cannot imagine life without u,
hence,
don choose to leave mi by hvin wishful tinkin sayin tt it's for my own gd,
don leave mi for the reason of reducin my pain.
u're nt bein hlpful at all..
nt at all.. ..

we've walk thus far.
i dono hw far more can we go,
but i noe oni will it b ur hands tt i'm holdin on to,
no one elses.

'nv says nv'..
it oways applies.
if we eva end dis off,
we end it for gd.

hapi moment yet to b fulfilled,
but i noe u wld.
sorrows moment had passed,
n it passed wif mixin mood.
inferity in mi rosed,
u subpress it dwn for mi.
paranoidic mi surfaced,
it's u,
u tt r all tt i matter.

perhaps u're waitin for dis,
perhaps nt.
but wen dis few words kam frm mi,
it means n weight more den a thousand million tonns.
bao bei,
I LOVE U..

for dis 3 words means more den a world.
cant u tell tt u're tt world..?

tell mi tt history wun repeat.
tell mi tt my effort is worth sumtin.
tell mi tt i'm bein appreciated.
tell mi tt i'm nt gg to b hurt again.
tell mi tt u're nt toyin wif my feelins.
tell mi n tell mi tt u luv mi as much as i had luv u..
mayb..
assurance is all i nid..

tins r runnin pass across my mind nw.
too complexed,
too sophisticated.

i'm tinkin..
still tinkin.. ..

2008-04-26T05:20:00.000+08:00

bein tgr wif u was one of the happiest moment in my life.
the comfy feelin u gave was sumtin tt i yearned for all dis yrs yet nt received.
but nw i do.
u set aside the formal way of tokin btwn spouse,
n allowed mi to tok lk a buddy to u.
i shared wif u all my ups n dwns,
hapi n sorrows.
nth is hidden,
n der's nth tt u do nt noe.

i'm truely apologetic abt all the hurt i've caused.
even ur precious tears involved.
times n again u emphasized on hw much i mean to u,
i didnt gif a damn in the past,
yet i clearly understood the defination of it nw.

wen i look into ur teary eyes each time,
dis particular sentence jus flashes pass before my eyes.
'bao bei, its my honour to hv u.. ..'
so much so i wanted to tell it to u face to face,
but words jus seems to b stuck in my throat.

hw far can we walk?
i hv no idea at all..
m still wonderin if i'm doin the rite tin.
i wish tt sumone or even sumtin can convinced mi tt i'm rite,
but ultimately till dis beri moment,
nth does.

my mind is bein overwhlemed by all tots.
sumtin jus nid to b eliminated.
which one to?
i dono i dono n i dono.

wen a player plays wif feelins,
it doesnt reflects tt he/she is a player,
it jus shows tt he/she gave in his/her feelins.

i gave in my feelins dis time round.
indeed i do.
fully n totali.

'never says never',
dis slogan still applies..

2008-04-24T06:38:00.000+08:00

saw u ytd.
broken up for so long,
yet my luv for u had x subside.
i ran as fast as my feet cld carry mi the min i saw u,
but deep dwn in my heart,
all i wan is to catch one more glimp of u.
tt'll b enuf for mi,
more den contented..

u used to b mine,
nw u're into sumbody elses arm.
the blow is der still,
the pain still lingers within.
i had x goton over yet,
x at all..

the more i tot of it,
it jus strike mi into realization tt i hvn been fair to bao bei.
its reli x fair..

revelation intaked.
its x easy bein a player either.
wen a player plays wif feelins involved,
tts indeed a killer point.
i've broke the rules,
hence consequences r der for mi to face nw.

aft all,
players can b in dilemma as well.
u jus luv both.
1 was the past,
the other belongs to the present.
hw..
tell mi hw..

vex.
super.
i'm strugglin.
still sturgglin.

i nid to b in my inferno to tink n meditate abt issues.
i jus nid sum space to breathe n b alone..
argh.
it hurt pretty much.. ..

2008-04-23T07:36:00.000+08:00

i luv u..
luv u too much to mk u mine.
i will den b selfish if i own u foreva..
bein unwillin,
bein reluctant,
i still will..

sori bao bei..

'很爱很爱你所以愿意
舍得让你往更多幸福的地方飞去
很爱很爱你只有让你拥有爱情
我才安心'..

2008-04-19T14:48:00.000+08:00

din hv a chance to blog as my com had been dwn.
thx to the itchy fingers bro of mine,
he caused the death of my com.
idiot!
muderer!

tins had been so diff nw.
i'm attached,
yes i m.
surprised?
i m shocked myself too.

aft much rejection,
i gave in.
a yes is all u nided.
bein much reluctancy at the beri first place,
situations actuli prove mi wrong,
u luv mi more tt i can eva imagine.

my luv for u ascend as days go by,
it didnt diminish at all.
i mean it n i reli do.
each time i look into ur eyes,
ur eyes speak a thousand words.
u jus seems to b tt brite ray tt shone across the darkness,
oways.

doubts oways linger within us isnt it?
i don mind.
jus lk wat u had told mi,
u will prove mi wrong as time passes.
mi too will b doin the same tin.

hvin u aint tough at all,
but i guess..
lettin u go is the toughest tin i can eva afford myself to do.
i wun,
n i nv will.

amg the weird feelins,
i found comfort wen i'm wif u.
i don care hw ppl look at mi,
at u,
or even at us,
i'm x gg to let go of ur hand.
hold mi tite will u?
don choose to let go..

the storm is der for us to brave,
i nd u to b by my side.
we both noe the final outcome,
fear x,
cuz..
i'm more afraid den u..
blif mi,
i do feel the same fear as u.

the fear of losin u arose day by day.
the confidence mi had became inferior n paranoid.
yes..
all bcuz of u.

my life is a book,
u r fillin chapters aft chapters in it.
u mark the say of hw the content shld b lk,
u call it all.

luv is two, for der is no mi without u..

bao bei,
i luv u..

2008-04-09T03:31:00.000+08:00

had nt been hm for so long so long..
lets nt count all dos times whrby i actuli oni dropped by to collect new clothin,
the fact was tt,
it had been nearly 2 mths i'm absence frm my beluved bed..

i had been a wanderer the min i'm footed into camp line.
my presence n absence at hm doesnt mk ani diff,
hence,
y return.. ..

times n again,
i wanted to brin myself bck,
yet situations don allow mi to.

der r many whom lk to escape frm hm for no valid reason,
yet for mi,
i jus wish to return..
but again i said,
i cldnt.. ..

my bagpack is my life,
my tentage is my hm..
nth means more den dis 2 tins to mi for dis veri moment.

life had been gettin more n more unfruitful.
nth to achieve,
nth to aim for.
i'm passin each day as a routine.
is tt gd or is tt bad?
too much brain cells of mine had been killed jus by tinkin abt dis Q alone.

too much to tink,
too little to b fulfilled.

i oways wanted to b the best of the best,
ultimately,
i came to realise tt i submerged instead of emergin amg the rest.
y is dis so..?
no idea..
but it's jus so..

had been wrkin so hard for everi single tin in life.
i gave in my best,
i put in all effort,
aft all tt i've done,
i've gain n achieve nth..
reli nth..
so much time been wasted.
silly mi.. ..

mouth had been kind of tired to b opened.
doesnt feel lk tokin much dis days.
movies is the best leisure n entertainment tt i pretty much enjoyed.
sit in,
air conditionered,
relaxation kams in nxt..
ahhh~
wif dis,
i'm contented.

my synus had been a killer.
so severe tt mucus dripped lk a runnin tap.
argh~
terrible feelin..

felt rather luved dis 2 days,
wif my qin ai de ard,
my bluey day seems to b briten up alittle.
*smile*

our bdaes..

spendin my days n nites wif her..

her place..

cam horin freak of mi.
haas.
our pics r definately more den jus dis 3,
kees.
jus far too lazy to upload everitin.
pardon mi!

nei is bck frm taiwan!
missed her so much sia!
yippee!!!
haas~
she missed the best comedy award show,
our april fool programme!
lolx!!!

will b away again aft dis entry blogged.
headin hm to collect sum clothes in preparation for tonite tent pitchin.
which oso means,
i'm gona b wanderer for the nxt few days.

wen feelins n tots aroses,
i choose to kip quiet.
slience is golden,
n i jus prefer tt way..

2008-03-31T18:54:00.000+08:00

bck frm cdans campsite.
its so near to whr she's stayin.
tot it doesnt bothers mi much,
i'm wrong..
it reli does matters..

the memories of her still lingers within.
till dis beri moment,
no one can actuli replace her in my heart.
again i say,
no one..

ppl ask mi if i do luv M,
mayb i do,
mayb i don.
for wat i noe,
we're oni frenz.
i find no luv in btwn,
not for the past,
not for nw,
neither will it hpn in the future.

as for K..
sumtin i'm sure of,
is tt we'll nv b tgr.
we're jus buddies,
brothers.

luv is so complex n sophisticated.
i'm surprised of hw amazin it can b.
to the xtend of lettin one jump in joy,
n lettin one tear in sorrows.

i don lk bein trapped in the pentagon relation.
worse still,
jus goto noe tt it's actuli hexigon instead of pentagon.
tins r gettin alittle out of hand.
i'm feelin kind of vex abt it too.
yet wif all these feelins arose,
i absolutly hv no idea in settlin issues as such.

had been seein cake cryin recently.
aft each n everi of the cryin session,
the guilt in mi emerged.
der's nowhr for mi hidin it.
felt aguished abt the entire situation,
but der again,
i'm reli sori abt it..
i reli am..

i'm feelin at worse.
yet i oways goto b the one consolin n comfortin everione ard mi.
can i b the soft one too for jus once?
can i afford to allow my tears to flow jus lk other does?
i wish i can..
i hope i cld..

all of a sudden i felt so empty.
felt so hollow.

i'm tinkin of u.
will u b bck into my arms again?
i jus wan bck dos moments tt we used to hv..

stop dreamin will u esther?
yes..
indeed i m..

sori for luvin u so deeply.
sori for nt forgettin u.
sori for plungin u to the far end of my heart.
sori for mkin u once mine.
sori for allowin memories to linger.
all in all,
i luv u too much.
too much to even save myself frm dis failure relationship tt we had.

i'm sori ppl.
goto xcuse myself for the moment.
i'm tired.
physically,
mentally,
and emotionally..
so tired.. ..~

b4 reli drop dead over at jess place,
my beluved ah neh (jenna) did sumtin for mi.

haas..
aft much complain,
dis is wat she did for mi..
haas.
nt bad la.
beta den nth.
lolx~
>.<

2008-03-23T17:41:00.000+08:00

jus finished the bdae camp.
haas.
everitin didnt went as planned,
yet i blif all of us had fun.
dey planned for a surprise dinner over at raffles city,
man,
i reli got a shock out of my life.
shock of joy i can say.
i luv everi single of my camelot gang.
dey're reli oways der for mi as n wen i nd dem.

dey got mi the bagpck tt i eyed on long ago,
1 new designed adidas booty
n the Mg necklace tt i wanted all along.
aww..
everitin reli cost a bomb.
yet dey emptied their pocket in buyin mi all tt..
guys,
i luv u all!~

thx to jo too.
brinin money for mi,
lendin mi her place to stay for the 3days 2nites camp.
*smoouch!*
sistas for life!

here n der i did flare durin the 3days 2nites camp,
no hard feelins,
but jus to let u guys noe,
i reli did flare up for gd n valid reasons.. ..
self relection n soul searchin moment plz..~
thx..

i hv nth in life,
xcept for all the gd frenz i've made.
i don deserve dem,
yet i've goton dem.
thx for dos tt r walkin past nw,
but still,
i oways blif tt ppl kam n go at all times.
felt uneasy,
yet learnin to accept such fact.

gettin alittle paranoid n emo dis few days.
accumulations of tins flashed pass my mind times n again.
piles n plies of stuff pourin dwn on mi lk nv b4,
but wif no idea in solvin it,
tt pissed mi off..
tt bothers mi.. ..

vision is gettin blurer n blurer.
lost track of even the tins tt i wan.
seems so lost for dis beri moment.
perhaps i reli do nd sum hlp..
but..
hu will..?

i'm tired..
so tired..
physically,
emotionally,
as well n mentally..

爱如潮水
不问你为何流眼泪
不在乎你心里还有谁
请让我给你安慰
不论结局是喜是悲
走过千山万水
在我心里你永远是那么美
既然爱了就不后悔
既然爱了就无怨无悔
再多的苦我也愿意背
我的爱如潮水将我向你推
紧紧跟随
爱如潮水她将你我包围
我再也不愿见你在深夜里买醉
不愿别的男人见识你的妩媚
你该知道这样会让我心碎
答应我你从此不在深夜里徘徊
不要轻易尝试放纵的滋味
你可知道这样会让我心碎

super in luv wif dis song..
jus.
feel so upset listenin to dis song..

haix..
k..
dono wat more to write le..
wun b touchin com as often.
so.
guys,
plz wait patiently for my update.
thx alot~

2008-03-08T06:41:00.000+08:00

went out wif kee onn ytd.
watched 'the leap yrs'.
made phone bookin way before hand,
but we were late in collectin the tix,
hence we sat rather front.
its x abt whr we're sitin,
but its oways abt hu we're watchin wif,
n which show r we watchin.
aft all,
the show was reli a gd one.
gd story line,
gd content.
i tink the script will b even beta if it din touch on the future.

went to 'world of sports' aft the show.
jus roamin ard since ai ai says tt dey actuli in stocked.
indeed.
one of the AND1 windbrker caught my eye.
tried it on,
it doesnt reli fits mi well.
yet still,
i'm in deep deep luv wif it.
all along i've been wantin a windbrker,
n tts the reason y m i oways in fu jiun's one.
decided on buyin it,
wen kee onn actuli voicin out in payin.
he said he wld rather buy sumtin tt i lk den to buy sumtin tt i aint fancy.
true enuf,
he made a point.
he reli bought it,
as a post bdae gift to mi.
thx brother~!

met liang at geylang,
at our usual supper point aft parted frm kee onn.
ate dim sum.
saw sindy over der.
she grew much fatter compared to the day i first noe her!
opps~
but tts certainly the fact.
she commented tt i changed alot.
haas.
she's x the first,
n i blif tt neither will she b the last.
aft all lk wat i oways say,
ppl do change isnt it?
*smile*

mitin kat ltr.
almost forgotten tt ai ai is kamin bck tdy.
but..
totali hv no idea wat time will she b bck.
haas.
its ok.
the usual her,
she'll oways gif mi a call wen she pass the chkpoint.
i'll jus wait.

i'm super hungry nw!
a hungry woman is an angry woman!
argh!
gg dwn to buy food le.
will stop here.
*roar!*

2008-03-07T06:02:00.000+08:00

yet to tok to my crazi mom since the day we quarrel.
she had been slammin tins real hard nw a days.
slam all she wans.
hack care.
i'm x daddy,
stop ventin anger on mi!!

came bck frm bike prac ytd.
the first prac mks mi bck off.
hvin no idea y,
but my hands r shiverin thruout the entire prac.
was luffin at swan n kat still
wen i actuli fell frm bike myself too.
it wasnt abt the fell tt caused mi to retreat,
but it was the word 'dangerous' tt made mi reacted lk dis.
the instructor was reli gd.
jus bcuz i'm slow,
he gave mi e xtra attention tt i nd n guide mi along personally.
had entire nite of nitemares.
all abt camps n bike prac.
cldnt reli slp well at all.

'the leap years' says
'its beta to luv n lost den nv to b luv at all',
but i tink otherwise..

addin on to my bdae wishlist,
i wanted a creative or ipod.
its a bad choice to place all the songs in fone.
each time my fone spoiled,
der goes all my songs..

trappin myself at hm dis few days mks mi feel even lonelier den before.
pictures jus kept flashin across.
cld held bck no more as the kind of anguishness flows out automatically.
its jus so hard to master the art of forgettin sumone tt used to mean alot to us.
i cldnt achieve it,
n i tink many r the same as i do.
it resembles e leech,
the more u tried to pull it out,
the higher the possibility of u bleedin.
yet leavin it der will cause the pain too.
dilemma isnt it?

bdae to mi is jus another normal day tt last for 24hrs.
no special meanin in it.
i din wan to b of ani special,
all i yearn n hope for was a gatherin wif all my camelot gang.
i miss each n everi of my mates.
don tk it as my bdae,
lets jus tk it as a celebration for Jesus,
cuz my bdae falls on gd friday coincidentally!

tml is my deary n ai ai's result day.
the release of A lvl result.
guess my ai ai aint even anxious abt it.
hw i noe?
cuz she's still in msia nw.
lolx~
but deary is kind of wori i can say.
haas.
all he best peeps!

tdy is gg to b super bored day.
cant blif tt i'm stuckin myself at hm frm mornin till nite.
wanted to mit sumone yet everione doesnt seems to b free.
tts sux..

BORIN!!!

2008-03-06T05:58:00.000+08:00

went out wif ai ai ytd.
haas.
met her aft her piano lesson.
went to shop n walk ard parkway.
ate pasta mania.
den headed to pool spot to mit wind n kat.
played 1 round wif ai ai,
but the pain at my bck is far too much for endurance.
sent her off to tk cab as she has got tuition to follow up wif,
kis kis,
n off she went.

took sum fotos b4 she went off.

fetch her over at the tuition place,
took a bus dwn to her place n accompanyed her pck her bag for tdy's camp.
she's such a lousy packer.
haas.
wind goto squeeze everitin in for her before she's satisfied wif the packin.
walked to MRT,
aboarded.
dey're headin bck to camelot,
whr'as for mi,
i'm headin bck hm.

saw zi yuan wen i alighted.
haas.
he look so diff nw.
hair damn long majiam lk dos boy band ppl.
guage frm the way he tok,
guess he din change much in his character.
*smile*

ai ai left for msia again.
she msg mi dis mornin wen she's at the 2nd link.
haiz.
got so used to her absence.
yet yearnin so much for her presence.
will b mitin her on the 7th.
jus for a day n she'll b leavin again.
sad~

gg for practical ltr.
sianz.
i'm gg alone.
kat n swan din manage to bk online.
its ok la.
thruout the entire course,
i blif tt we'll b separated as well.
jus a matter of time.

kat is kamin to my place.
she nd to charge her psp.
n whr's my psp?
haas.
wif ai ai in msia.
bet she's playin wif it nw.

had been browsin thru all my basic theory n bike rider handbk.
haiz.
so many words.
read till siao liao..
bo bian.
i wana pass!!!
dis is my 1 n oni dream.
kawasaki rider,
here i kam!!!

to ask mi again if i do luv u,
no i don.
to ask mi again if u do weight much,
no u aint.
to ask mi again if u mean sumtin to mi,
i cant deny,
u indeed do.
but der again,
r u relatated to mi?
no.
u're jus a nobody.
memories do linger,
tts all i cld say.

ouch..
my bck reli hurts.
sumbody,
save mi plz~
>.<

2008-03-04T17:00:00.000+08:00

quarrelled wif mummy.
went bck to slp till late evenin den.
woke up,
packed my stuff n i left for mitin kee onn.
wats gd abt wrkin in camp is tt
i don hv to account whr i go,
jus a bagpack,
i can go aniwhr n everiwhr.

went bck to camp.
visited jenna n jess.
missed dem so much.
stayed on awhile,
aft which headed to ai ai'se hse.
spent my nite over at her place.
got bom bak by her mom early in the mornin.
tot i wld hv peace the min i leave hm,
hu noes,
der's still her mom..
*faint*

the funniest tin is,
i tot she will react lk i do,
by kipin quiet wen the mon nags.
she doesnt.
she went 'y r u mkin so much noise early in the mornin! can u SHUT ur mouth UP!'
i'm lk 'waa..'
hahaha!

went to see doc wif ai ai.
the waitin time was damn long la!
shopped ard wif her aft seein doc.
waa..
she's reli a madness shoppin freak.
had been walkin ard wif her,
n the most faintin moment was dos tins tt she choose,
cost a BOMB.
scary~

haas.
ai ai wearin my spects n i'm wearin hers!
cute sia~

we still hv quite a num of fotos tken tdy.
of us climbin rockwall.
but its wif her.
haas.
i will tk frm her soon n show u guys!

my bdae is kamin.
hmm.
ppl had been askin wat i wan.
guess dis is the 1st yr tt i reli wanted alot of stuff.
liang had been askin mi everitime n my usual ans is
'i don nd anitin'.
but nw i reli do.
here's my wishlist for my bdae:
-bagback
-salomon shoes
-adidas watch (black-purple)
-SE k850i
-wind breaker
-deuter toiletries bag
-water proof bag (no TYR plz)
-adidas slippers
-digital cam

i understand tt none of these stuff r cheap.
but..
tts oni a wishlist!
doesnt reli hv 2 b fulfilled.

had been trapped in dis situation.
A lks B,
B lks C,
n C lks D.
alittle complications here n der,
yet i wan to remain as wat we were in the past.
i appreciate hvin everibody as my brothes n buddies!

intend to wrk in 'camper's corner'
haas.
a shop tt sells all camp stuff.
pay shld b high,
cuz all deir stuff damn ex.
Adi asked mi to gif it a try since dey're hirin ppl nw.
yup.
i m.
haas.
wait for my news guys!

while i was bloggin,
tv was showin spop,
cai chun jia is singin nw..
waa..
her voice reli damn nice la.
crystal clear~
jus wonder y aint she famous.

woo..
had alot of pendin comments in my frenster.
haas.
my frenster is gettin overwhelm..

k la.
i shall stop here.
will blog as n wen i feel lk it.

2008-03-01T09:02:00.000+08:00

woo~
it feels so gd bein bck hm.
had a major accident ytd.
my leg got sandwiched by 2 dragonboats wen i was preventin it frm colidin.
had a few cuts n its swellin up nw.
it reli hurts..

don ask mi y did i quit my job as an instructor,
i'm x sure of the ans even.
i enjoyed interactin wif kids,
yet der r tins tt i jus cldnt stand in the company n wif the ppl.
to ask mi if dis job is my passion,
perhaps yes,
perhaps no.
nth mks mi stay,
nth forces mi to leave either.

entertainin kids became part of my life,
i luv to see students smile,
i jus lk the feelin wen dey're attentive n responsive to mi.

yea~
finally ai ai is bck frm msia!
will b mitin her ltr.
but..
she's leavin again tml.
sigh~
i miss her loads!

i dono wats wif TK.
she had been eyein on ai ai,
eyein on ruth,
eyein on bell etc etc..
i've been hearin far too many tins abt her.
don reli noe hw to react but to act ignorance.
as long as she don touch my ai ai,
hueva tt she wans to hv affair wif,
i don reli care.

had a break thru recently.
broke the ice btwn marvin n i.
we had been tokin alot,
he taught mi alot of stuff.
guess dis is the best farewell present i hv.

mummy cried jus nw.
tokin abt the past.
'thx' to daddy.
ppl envy over mi,
over my family,
but tins aint as shown.
der r times tt i reli don feel lk bein ard,
wen tins arosed,
i'm too lost to say anitin,
or to do to anitin..

tok to her on msn jus nw.
the kind of feelin aint der animore.
thx to her tt i've moved on.
thx to her tt i had a beta view of tin.
thx to her tt i've learnt alot of human philosophies.
n thx to her,
i had a cold n harden heart.
but i'm still gd.
aint abusin myself.
i luv the way i m nw.
sumone said dis to mi,
'wen ur life is empty,
it jus shows tt u r given a chance to place new tins in it.'
so revelational.
dis sentense created such a great impact on mi.

will b restin at hm for ard a wk b4 i head bck for sentry duty.
so i guess will b bloggin more often nw a days ba.

k la.
rushin off to mit ai ai le.
n i'm super late!
*chao!*

2008-02-23T15:53:00.000+08:00

wee!
broke camp!
was super shag tt i almost fell aslp durin the reflection session.
dos students were reli swt.
noein tt i'm super bz wif stuff,
dey helped mi filled up my bottle.
aww..~
dey luv to hug mi too.
so swt~

my best satisfaction kams frm students,
wen small notes n letter kams in,
i reli do felt the kind of warmth.

everibody tot i was lvl 3 instructor.
haiz.
most of dem r teasin mi abt it.
hey guys,
i'm x..
reli x.. ..

jus for 1 camp,
i've became beri close to my ai ai.
haas.
she's damn cute can!
we're in the same section.
din reli tk note wen we actuli start tokin,
yet i noe we're super close on the 2nd day onwards.

i've got:
Swtheart - Jenna
Honey - Swan
Deary - Shuting
Sub ai ai - Kat
Main ai ai - Mabel

lolx..
so flirtatous of mi.
muhahaha!~

was bein selected as campfire ic,
tgr wif kee onn.
both of us lose our voices,
n wat a coincident,
der's no mic available..
sigh.. =.="

the entire atmosphere was dwn,
all of us can feel it,
yet over at bravo section,
none of the instuctors r doin anitin.
again i say,
its the INITIATIVE tt counts.
if u guys r tired n lethargic,
the kids will sense it.
u guys r the one brin up the atmophere,
x the kids.
plz,
u guys played an impt role.
haix.
plz do sum soul search n self reflection.

i can hold ani longer.
my eye lids r gettin heavier n heavier.
i'm damn slpy oreli..
will blog again soon.
bye~

2008-02-18T13:14:00.000+08:00

life had been gettin busier n busier.
i don even hv the time for my own.
had been runnin camps aft camps,
the left over time had oreli been contributed for leanin bike.

spent my valentine day in camp.
wif him him him, her her her.
lolx~
so many ppl.
my ai ai asked mi to b the valentine,
but i rejected!
haha!~

ppl kam n go in one's life.
the previous batch had gone,
so nw here kams the new ones.
jenna,
swan,
jess,
kat,
andrea,
fishcake
fu jiun,
wind,
last but x least,
cina,
dey're all my camelot gang!
enjoyed my time wif dem.
i used to tink tt gg for camp is a routine,
its a job,
i den realised tt i was wrong.
wif dem ard,
tins r totali diff.
luv dem loads!
(ps: sori if i miss out ani as the gang is too BIG!)

was section ic for the last camp.
the camp was totali screwed up.
camp cheif, sam.
buddy, ben.
the worse tin to hpn,
is not abt hvin mischevious students,
is abt hvin lousy camp cheif n sucky buddy.
i blif wind n i feel the same.
both of us had been wrkin to the max lvl to get the camp runnin,
yet matrix changed again n again n again.
i flared,
threw my temper,
but he still simmer himself dwn,
he's still cool.
guess he's more rational den i do.

haas..
went movies n kbox wif camelot gang durin new yr.
dis is the best foto bein tken tt day!
kat n i were kissin fishcake,
lolx!
wat a face frm her!
so cute!

almost got posted to ubin for kranji sec camp.
phew~
thx God i rejected.
my last camp in ubin we slept in chalet,
dis time round we suppose to slp in tent,
of cuz i said NO to it la!
summore the pay is the same for both ubin n spore,
mite as well choose spore.

I Do (Cherish You) lyrics
All I am, all I'll be
Everything in this world
All that I'll ever need
Is in your eyes
Shining at me
When you smile I can feel
All my passion unfolding
Your hand brushes mine
And a thousand sensations
Seduce me 'cause I

I do cherish you
For the rest of my life
You don't have to think twice
I will love you still
From the depths of my soul
It's beyond my control
I've waited so long to say this to you
If you're asking do I love you this much
I do

In my world, before you
I lived outside my emotions
Didn't know where I was going
'Til that day I found you
How you opened my life
To a new paradise
In a world torn by change
Still with all of my heart
'Til my dying day

heard jenna sang dis in kbox tt day.
it touches mi so deeply.
will sumone sing dis song for mi as well..?
*smile*

goto go bck to wrk le..
hvin briefin ltr.
sigh.
can oni blog 1 or 2 wks ltr.
pardon mi,
but i reli don hv the time thou so much i wanted so.
guys,
wait paitiently for my updates k?
luv u peeps~

2008-02-09T05:55:00.000+08:00

hapi new yr everione!!!
feel so shiok hvin brk..
ahhh~
did u guys enjoyed ur holiday?

i luv all my dis yr's outfit.
i'm more COOL den eva~
gg out wif my entire camelot gang dis sun,
woo..
din noe tt my camelot gang was in such a BIG grp.
over 10 of us i guess.
till nw still cldnt seems to get the num rite..
haha~
will try to tk sum fotos to show u guys!

went to watch 'ah long prvt ltd' wif zac ytd nite.
as usual,
everi yr chu yi will spent wif him catchin a show,
so no xception dis yr.
haas!
the show damn funi can!
i'm lk luffin off my ass inside the cinema~
guys,
its a MUS WATCH show!
don miss it!

hmm.
perhaps i noe hw to luv no more.
too hurt,
too wounded.
i'm sori tt i caused u more n more pain.
but frm the beri beginin,
i tot i've rejected u in a super clear cut manner.
y r u fallin deeper den..
we're frenz.
jus frenz.
in the past,
the present,
nth will even change in the future..
i'm reli sori.
but without the cold shoulder,
without the kind of attitude given,
u wun retreat..
i appreciated u beri much as a frenz.
n i reli do..
i reli do.. ..

i used to say
'search my heart for whr it lies'.
but i den realised tt i've lost track of whr my heart is.
it seems to b out of the detactable area.
sumbody has jus stolen it i guess.

i luv camelot trainers more n more.
we're clickin well.
hvin all sorts of fun.
yet cina is leavin.
sigh..

i shld b leavin soon too.
aft listenin to the 'beatin ard the bush' tok frm kelvin,
i feel tt bein an instructor aint my callin at all.
yup.
i'm jus not up to standard..

i aint tt strong aft all.
i can tear over simply minor issues.
i'm vunerable,
indeed i m.

1 cig represent a deep tot.
1 pkt represent sorrows.
1 can of beer represent pain.
1 carton represent wounded.

i'm startin my clubbin life soon.
cant stand the plain life tt i'm hvin nw.
its more lk a routine,
a cycle.
i nid sum spices.

many of u tink tt i've changed alot.
but for ur info,
i'm still mi.
no doubt.
if u cant stand the way i m,
den F off.
simple as tt.

kor's gf kamin 2 bai nian.
dey reachin soon le.
haas.
goto go preapre.

once again,
hapi new yr to all of u!!!

2008-02-03T18:47:00.000+08:00

had been away for a long long long long period..
phew~
hectic mth for mi.
but tt isnt it.
der'll b more to kam.
feb is another xiong mth for mi.
argh~

wonder y all of a sudden,
the malays in camelot r gone,
n dere came a new big bunch of new trainers,
all chinese.
beta to b tt.
i feel more comfortable wrkin wif dem.

had been doin water side recently.
leg had been bleedin n bruised.
it reli hurts.

gg for bike license soon.
swan registered le.
kat n i will b gg nxt wk or the wk aft,
the 3 of us will set our 1st practical date tgr.
yes..
without committment nw,
i'm gg nearer n nearer to my dreams n visions..

i don reli care wat ppl tink abt mi.
i got all numb.
wateva ppl wana say,
tts their prob, i don care n neither do i gif a damn.
xpecialli for ppl in gv,
say all u wan,
it doesnt affect mi much.

nw is ard 2 plus AM.
am in cine usin com wif zeju
while lili, jp, zac n cherry watchin dvd in the rm.
i luv dis idea..
we shld hv kam here often.
hmm..
lolx~

new yr is kamin..
eh.
goten my new yr clothes jus nw.
went wif cherry n ze ju,
i reli fell in deep deep luv wif the white fairy-like dress i've bought.
dey too said it was nice!
kees~

thou life is a little empty nw,
yet it jus shows tt i ought to fill it up wif stuff.
i don enjoy indulgin myself wif loads n loads of wrk,
yet tts the oni way to subcide dos tots in mi..
thx for my gv gang,
my colleagues,
my frenz,
u guys did more den wat i had imagine..
thx for bein der wen i nided most.
u guys rox!~
*luvs*

der r too much tins to say since i had x been bloggin for such a long time,
yet i reli hv no idea on hw to summarise dos tins i've encounter withtin the wks.
the joyous moments,
the dwn pit moments..
too much n too much to b mention..
frenz,
hear my heart den to read wat i wrote..
i nd understandin,
i nd care n concern too.
i aint as strong as u guys tot i am,
i'm jus ordinary.. ..

been wrkin too hard.
will get sum rest for new yr.
haha..
ang pao ang pao here i kam!!!

kat jus turned 19 dis yr!
haas..
her chalet was splendid!
we had so much fun der,
arrangin all the sabo'in programme for her,
cake smashin session n all!
had x been enjoyin myself dis much for a long time.
i reli did..
thx for dos tt turned up,
u guys made it a success~

among dem,
my bdae kamin up nxt..
gdness..
i don wan!
sure kena sabo bck de!
i beta disappear b4 all the 'mishap' hpn to mi!!!

k la..
i'm gettin alittle tired..
haas..
wana join dem in watchin dvd..
off i go!
will TRY to blog soon!

2008-01-18T12:34:00.000+08:00

finali got my fone changed.
thou its alittle x worth the money,
yet i hv no complain.
n76 was an utter eye sore to mi.
was more den hapi to get rid of it.

dis is my new fone.
Pda touch screen.
looks normal,
yet i'm in deep deep luv wif it.

met him aft buyin fone.
headed to marine parade for dinner.
he wanted KFC,
but i chose MOS burger.
haas.
i made the final call,
we had MOS burger for dinner.

was lookin ard for slippers,
wen we both eye on the same pair.
addidas blue slipper.
$35 per pair,
reasonable price,
yet i jus cldnt bear to spend money on branded stuff.
still on the considerin mode.

took sum fotos wif him.
he aint lookin gd wif smiles on his face,
hence i asked him x to smile.
lolx.

he got his hair cut.
so ugly.
still prefer his previous hairstyle.

y mus u guys oways brin up issues tt i don wish to touch on.
i'm sori.
i jus don wan to mention anitin.
i've movin on..
reli tryin hard..
stop diggin out wat is x suppose to n let mi move on will u guys plz..?
plz..

mitin cherry tml.
by rite gg to do shu qun camp,
yet din wan to disappoint her hence still stick to my promise.
i'm yearin for a beta 'tml' everiday.
i hope my wish does kam true.
its jus a simple one..
a simple one.. ..

wonder if i can blog durin wk ends.
oni noe i wun b able to blog for the entire wk nxt wk,
sori readers,
will blog soon once i'm bck.

2008-01-17T03:10:00.000+08:00

aft lockin myself for so long,
i finally stepped out of my place.
dos enjoyment n leisure kind.

met yx up for pool ytd.
as usual,
he got trashed!
haas~
desiree was here too.
'little ms giggles'
tt shirt jus suit her so much.

desiree went off early as she's wrkin,
leavin behind the borin yx n me.
were walkin ard the entire bugis junction,
realised tt it had changed so much.
it jus shows the period of mi bein isolated to the outside world.

jp came to join us at a ltr hr.
chosen tcc to rest our feet.

tts the drink we ordered!
jp simply don understand eng,
cuz thru out i was sayin
'we're here for COFFEE!!'
n he ordered strawberry tea..
=.="

yx left for wrk in the evenin,
while jp n i headed dwn to vivo for movie.
waitin for yanqi to arrive,
we bought the tix first.
made up our mind for 'one miss call',
yet bein indecisive enuf,
i chose 'boogeyman 2' in the end.
man~
it sux.
gruesome n gore.
both jp n i almost vomited.
as for yanqi..
i tink she oni watch ard 1/3 of the show.
as she had been coverin her eyes.
lolx!

joke of the day:
jp ate alot b4 the movie starts.
yanqi was lk sayin
'eh.. if u wan to vomit,
vomit within half an hr time so tt i can refund tix lei..'
n jp oni feel unwell aft an hr or so!!!
bo hua!
wakakakak!!!!
(guess oni gv staff understand)

she toked to mi.
true enuf,
i gave off cold shoulder.
given tt kind of damn fark up ans to her.
haas..
hu is she nw to mi?
no one.
y shld i care so much den.
she msged mi at nite,
askin mi wats wif the coldness i had.
don reli feel lk replyin at the first place
thou in the end i still did.
n i tink she's stupid enuf to ask such Q.
u noe it BEST.

u asked mi if i'm revengin.
mayb?
i'm jus gettin bck all the tins tt i've lost.
everi single tin.
if it even means to destroy u to get my tins done,
i will.
u deserve it.
deserve to b left wif nth,
jus lk wat u've done to mi.
don hinder in my way mind u.
jus wana get bck tins tt were once belonged to mi.

will b gg out wif cherry n rashidah dis fri.
to sentosa.
jp cant mk it.
*sad*
n rashidah even asked mi
'u mind her gg? she's bringin him oso'..
funi Q thou..
hu wun mind??
but guess she wun hv the cheek to go either.
no wories den.
quality time spend wif rashidah n cherry!

appointment set wif ze ju dis kamin sun.
gg to watch goldclass wif him.
i jus missed him SOOOOOOOOOOO much!
since he went into NS,
i've x seen him.
aww..
my beluved bud.
if he wasnt attached..
*evil lufter*
lolx!!!
he'll b MINE!!
muhahaha!!!
jus cant wait to see him dis sun~!

my bdae falls on fri dis yr.
such a great impact.
20 u noe..
so old~
hvn been spendin bdae thruout my life.
the most memorable n vivid one i guess is the 18th.
carls staff,
CHEC ppl,
cell grp,
so many ppl celebrated for mi.
was touched n overjoyed.

prepared to spend alone again dis yr.
it jus mks no diff.
search my heart for whr it lies.
to ask mi if my heart is still luv u?
yes..
it still is.
nw i fully understand wen ppl says 'ying ai chen hen'.
tts wen luv turns into hatred.

woke up hvin morn synus.
so xin ku.
guess i wun b gg aniwhr tdy.
can slp for the entire day.
hurraayy~
'slp' is my best frenz.
he's oways wif mi wen i nded him.

k la.
nth much to blog le.
will oni b bck into camp nxt wk,
so..
still hv sum days left to enjoy.
PLAY!!!
weee!!!

2008-01-13T14:28:00.000+08:00

bck frm xin min camp.
wat a coincident,
saw my tutee.
she seems shock upon seein mi.
haas..

my kids were gd,
dey listen to mi well n behave well.
hyper wen necessary n kip quiet wen nided.
but still,
i scolded dem as dey cant follow simple instructions at times.

der's no perfect camp.
wen the kids r gd,
it sure means tt the management sux.
dis time round it reli does.

tdy suppose to b our anniversay if we din brk off.
perhaps too wounded,
till i cant feel a tin at all nw.

lookin at the necklace u gave mi,
it hurts mi so,
yet i noe,
everitin is over.. ..

dono wats wif my neck,
twisted?
heaty?
argh~
i jus cant turn my head.
it swells n hv a huge lump,
i cant sneeze,
cant tok loudly,
cant luff,
cant yawn,
cant even eat properly..
tts horrible.
the pain is unbearable..

lose my voice again.
hvin severe migrain.
the short sharp pain jus seems to b a killer.
i cant stand it..
i don used to hv dis in the past,
but y m i so weak nw..

will b seein doc.
yucks..
tts the last tin i will eva do.
but i'm left wif no choice,
all the pain r pourin dwn on mi lk nv before..

cina asked mi out for movie wif kat jus nw,
turned her dwn.
don wish 2 b xtra,
nor feel lk gg aniwhr.
aft the brk up,
outside world jus seem so scary to mi.
other den camp,
i'm x gg aniwhr.
it feels more weird wen tdy is the specific date.. ..

i'm super x feelin well.
x gd at all.
nd to catch sum slp..

off 1 day n will resume my camp on mon.
haiz..
i'm reli tired..
reli.. ..

2008-01-10T12:06:00.000+08:00

bck frm bowen's camp.
my first camp wrkin for other company.
great oppotunities yet got ruined.
jus cldnt set my mood rite for camp.
everitin seems to go so wrong.
jus so wrong.. ..

lookin at our photos,
memories starts to flash pass my mind.
cina says it tks time to heal,
thou nth mks mi believe it,
but i still hope tt she's rite..

wats the pt of mi wrkin towards hard a high standard,
wats the pt of mi earnin so much money,
wats the pt of mi doin all the bck to bck camps,
wen no one is der to share my hapiness,
no one is der to go out wif,
no one is der to wait for my return animore..

i'm still gd..
still tryin to move on..
don hold mi guys,
i can walk by myself..

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

caught myself in the rain for the past 3 days.
been hvin slight runnin nose n severe sore throat.
tts the worse tin tt can hpn to an instructor..
sigh..
yet i still goto shout my lungs out for the kids,
dey're simply morons.

got buddied up wif a gal name wan zhen (zen).
man..
she looks lk cheena,
toks lk a cheena,
but she aint frm CHINA!!!
she's pure singporean,
which even till dis moment,
i still doubt so.

she's a beri blur person.
lose our resort key n was flippin all our stuff outside in,
inside out to look for it.
she'a a gan jiong spider too.
but aniwae,
she's reli nice.
slept wif her in the same rm.
she covers blanket for ppl.
i woke her up the 2nd day,
n she woke mi up on the 3rd day.
fair n square.

wrkin wif ppl frm LDC,
its reli much much beta den wrkin wif ppl frm camelot.
dey r jus so nice,
so naive..
enjoyed moment spent wif jameson,
n wan zhen wen we were all drenched.
was bz suanin wan zhen wen she's lk,
so blur?
haas..

camelot staff aint lk dis can~
dey oni noe hw to step ppl under their feet
jus to push demselves up a lvl higher.
dey sux to the core i can say.

k.
i'm reli tired.
i cant hold ani longer.
eyes closin soon.. ..

2008-01-06T08:45:00.000+08:00

we've broken up.
u mentioned it,
till nw i still cldnt get out of such a gr8 impact.

i don dare to step into a new relation,
but wif all ur accurance n affirmations,
i tried..
i fought my way thru n won the victory,
tot i was the victor oreli wen i actuli aint..
u made mi open myself up more n more.
yet nw,
u're the one tt ended it.
3rd party again.
Darius did the same to mi,
nw is ur turn.. ..

i've been paranoid n insecure all along wen i'm in camp,
discussed wif u sayin tt i wana change my job,
yet u said i don hv to cuz u were rather supportive abt it.
i agreed.
here i m packin myself up wif camps,
jus bcux i wan to fulfill ur desire of hvin N76.
but..
u left mi while i'm in camp..

hw mean ur msg was..
everi single words jus pierce rite thru my heart.
u had been toyin wif my feelins..
u don luv mi animore..
u fell for sumone else..
askin mi to forget abt u..
everitin jus flash pass my mind everi min, everi sec..
i din slp the entire nite..
finali wen i was real tired enuf to close my eyes,
i dreamt of u..
dreamt of u leavin mi wif mean n sarcastic words.
woke up wif tears n wif sweat,
hopin tt everitin was jus a dreamt,
but it actuli wasnt..
the fact was tt
u reli left mi..

wat a torment..
i had been askin myself wat i've done wrong..
y mus i b treated dis way.
but u simply didnt care..
u left without lookin bck.
tt hurts me pretty much.

u made mi sank deeper n deeper,
n left mi in the pit.
y mus u b so cruel.. ..

i've fell too badly dis time round.
wounded, burised, hurt n bleed.
i hv totali no idea in pickin myself up..
totali..

i'm cryin in pain nw..
can u hear my cry.. ..?
i guess u cant b bothered even.. ..
*weep in tears*..

2008-01-01T12:38:00.000+08:00

haiz.
had a horrible nite ytd settlin stuff.
glad tt nitemare's over.

went to visit ah ma tdy.
baby so cute~
small small size oni.
aww~

nor! baby!
cute rite!!!
wakaka!
i don dare to hug..
so fragile..
arn gu gu gu~

left ah ma's place n headed dwn to mit dar.
tdy is the last day tt i can mit her le.
tml gg bck camp.
haiz..
christmas eve she's x available.
so is new yr eve.
haiz.
so used to it le.
nvm.. ..

will b mitin gracina, kat n fu jiun for countdwn tonite.
over at ecp.
while spendin our long nite thru over der,
we will b fishin to kill the time!
ahaha!
erm.
breakthru for mi.
i'm jus so afraid of fishes!!!
nonono!!!
dey fish,
i see.
so simple.
wakakaka!~

last day of mi bloggin le.
dono wen can blog again cuz i'm reli super packed wif camps.
sori guys.
will b gone missin again for a period of time.
bear wif it ya?
haas..
tk care guys!
n..
HAPI NEW YR!!